Management Secrets Comic Strips - Page 28
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368 Results for Management Secrets
View 271 - 280 results for management secrets comic strips. Discover the best "Management Secrets" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday January 30,
2008
Tags #financial planner, #health care, #squalor, #diversified portfolio, #bacon, #secrets, #planning, #dog advice
Transcript
Dogbert the financial planner Dogbert: With advances in health care, you could live to be 200. If you have a good financial plan, only the last 120 years will be spent in squalor. I recommend a diversified portfolio. And bacon."
Wednesday February 20,
2008
Tags #surveillance cameras, #anti management comic, #drunken lemurs, #managers, #liquor, #thoughts, #posting, #defacing
Transcript
The Boss: Our surveillance cameras caught you posting this antimanagement comic on the wall. This comic compares managers to drunken lemurs. Do you think drunken lemurs are like managers? Wally: No, some lemurs can hold their liquor."
Tuesday July 15,
2008
Tags #brain, #part of brain, #controls morality, #the natural, #glows from within
Transcript
Dilbert says, "My doctor says everything is fine except for the part of my brain that controls morality." The Boss says, "Gasp! The management prophesies are true. You must be the one they call..." Catbert says, "THE NATURAL?!!" The Boss says, "He glows from within."
Monday July 21,
2008
Tags #moral compass, #healed, #position of power, #narrow gap, #executive pay, #worker pay
Transcript
Dilbert says, "My moral compass has healed. Can I keep my new job in management?" Dilbert says, "I'd like to use my position of power to narrow the gap between executive and worker pay."
Monday December 29,
2008
Tags #bookings, #frustration, #hell, #trip, #wasn't hotel, #flyer to hell, #swarm of locusts
Transcript
The Boss says, "That hotel you booked for the management offsite meeting wasn't actually a hotel." The Boss says, "I'm fairly sure it was the foyer to hell." Carol says, "What gave you that idea?" The Boss says, "Our concierge was a swarm of locusts!!!"
Saturday January 09,
2010
Tags #meeting, #scheduling, #business jargon, #surprised, #impressed, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Let's schedule a scenario-based roundtable discussion about our enterprise project management." The Boss says, "We'll use our infrastructure survey tool to architect a risk-based tiering system." Dilbert says, "That almost meant something." Wally says, "I'm tempted to stop acting randomly."
Thursday March 04,
2010
Tags #meeting, #math, #project, #fail, #disaster, #embarrassed, #act dumb, #cancel, #buy, #question, #demonstrate, #hands up, #education, #business
Transcript
Dilbert says, "The math clearly shows that our project won't work, even if we do everything right." The Boss says, "It's embarrassing to cancel a project in the middle. Let's act dumb and hope someone in upper management cancels it for budget reasons." Dilbert says, "Should I stop buying stuff?" The Boss says, "You should buy twice as much."
Thursday July 01,
2010
Tags #meeting, #project, #coordinate, #give up, #business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Make sure you coordinate with the brand manager and the category manager." The Boss says, "And also the clients, the account execs, the project leaders, strategic planning, facilities management, product managers, marketing, and I.T." Dilbert says, "All I heard was 'give up.'" The Boss says, "Let's meet again in a year."
Wednesday September 01,
2010
Tags #anonymous online employee survey, #slip up, #look at paper, #angry, #eyebrows, #trust, #ironic
Transcript
The Boss says, "According to the anonymous online employee survey, you don't trust management. What's up with that?" The Boss says, "Oh. Right."
Tuesday February 03,
2009
Tags #interview, #job, #hanging, #ridiculous, #humiliation, #business
Transcript
Dogbert says, "In your first round of interviews we tested your reaction to humiliation and small arms fire." Dogbert says, "In round two I will test your ability to keep company secrets." Ratbert says, "When are you going to tell him this is a courtesy interview?" Dilbert says, "What?"