Name Randomly Picked Comic Strips - Page 28

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View 271 - 280 results for name randomly picked comic strips. Discover the best "Name Randomly Picked" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2010's comic on:


Tags #bart simpson, #app, #facial recognition, #full bio, #dry erase marker

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Dilbert: Hi my name is... woman: Dont bother My app does facial recognition and searches all social media to give me your full biography. Dilbert: hows that working out? You're either Bart Simpson or a huge dry erase marker.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2009's comic on:


Tags #company, #lawyer, #stipulations, #restrictions, #humor, #business, #legal

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Company lawyer man says, "The company owns Dilbertfiles.com and all of its I.P. Because you created it at work." man says, "So you'll need to pay us a royalty every time you use the name 'Dilbert'" Dilbert says, "How did you get in my house?" man says, "There's a loophole in your door."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2009's comic on:


Tags #walking, #park, #copyright, #ownership, #humor, #Sports

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Dilbert says, "I lost an intellectual property case with my ex-employer. Now they own my name." Dilbert says, "It costs my five dollars every time I introduce myself." woman says, "I already forgot your name. What was it?" Dilbert says, "Can I tell you next month? I'm on a budget?" woman says, "Sure, if you think you can find me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2009's comic on:


Tags #work, #project, #change, #angry, #frustrated, #stupidity

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The Boss says, "I made some improvements to your drawings and sent them for fabrication." Dilbert says, "Gaaa!!!" The boss says, "But don't worry - I left your name on them so you'll get all of the credit." Dilbert says, "Waaaa!!!" The boss says, "You don't handle good news very well." Dilbert says, "Shoot me! Shoot me! Shoot me!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #talking, #woman, #insane, #crazy, #dating, #weird, #relationships

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Dilbert says, "Hi. My name is?" Woman says, "Whoa! Whoa! Not in person!" Woman says, "I only meet men through online dating sites. That way I can filter out the losers." Dilbert says, "Too crazy too fast." Woman says, "I know. I'm working on that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #talking, #discussing, #plan, #deception, #greed, #corruption

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll start ten mutual funds, each with randomly chosen stocks." Dogbert says, "Later we'll build our advertisements around whichever one does the best purely by chance." Dogbert says, "My goal is to be the premier provider of imaginary expertise." Wag! Wag!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #asking, #project, #procrastination, #excuses, #blame, #distraction, #annoyed, #frustrated, #business

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The boss says, "Wally, you didn't e-mail me your project status." Wally says, "Did you check your spam folder?" Wally says, "Maybe you should check there before you besmirch my good name with your baseless accusations." The Boss says, "Did you send it?" Wally says, "Okay, I see how you're trying to turn this around."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2008's comic on:


Tags #behind schedule, #defective equipment, #improbable event, #reliable vendor, #sales guy, #golfing, #bought hat, #impossible boss, #on the hook

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The Boss says, "I can't give you a raise because your project is behind schedule." Dilbert says, "That's because the vendor delivered defective equipment." The Boss says, "It is your job to anticipate that sort of problem and head it off." Dilbert says, "It isn't possible to anticipate and head off every improbable event." The Boss says, "Well, you could have picked a more reliable vendor." Dilbert says, "You told me to use this vendor because the sales guy took you golfing and bought you a hat." The Boss says, "Well, you should have seen that coming and burned down all hat factories a year ago." Dilbert says, "He would have bribed you another way." The Boss says, "That's what lazy people say."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 2008's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #introductions, #erin, #sue boysenberry, #resume, #shrink, #prescribe pills, #be strong, #self employed

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A man says, "Please introduce yourself by saying your name and who you work for." A woman says, "My name is Erin and I work for Sue Boysenberry." The man says, "Wow, lucky. I hear she's great." Another man says, "Can you give her my resume?" One Minute Later The second man says, "I'm so sorry for you." Another woman says, "You must cry a lot." The second man says, "If you ever need to talk to someone, I know a good shrink." The second man says, "He can prescribe pills that will make you feel self-employed." The second woman says, "Be strong. We'll all pray for you." The first man says, "Next."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #hiring, #renaming, #confusion, #anger, #business

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The boss says, "We're changing the name of our staffing group to 'Talent acquisition.'" the boss says, "This reflects our new focus on hiring only highly talented people." Dilbert says, "Doesn't that imply that your current employees are inferior to the ones you plan to hire?" The boss says , "Sort of." Dilbert says, "And since you routinely fire the worst performing employees..." Dilbert says, "you have just sealer our doom while expecting us to remain loyal to the company." Wally says, "now all I can thin k about are ways to vandalize the servers before I become homeless." The boss says, "I over-communicated again."