Worst Case Scenario Comic Strips - Page 28

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285 Results for Worst Case Scenario

View 271 - 280 results for worst-case scenario comic strips. Discover the best "Worst Case Scenario" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #business, #decision, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #success, #manipulation

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CEO: Profits have increased thirty percent under my leadership. Dilbert: Snort. CEO: What? Dilbert: All you do is pick the best plans from the options we show you. CEO: Exactly, and I pick the best plan every time. Dilbert: That's because we only show you the best plans compared to the worst plans we can think of. We control every decision you make by manipulating your perception of the options. CEO: We need to fix that. Dilbert: How do you fix something that isn't broken?

New Year Resolution

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New Year Resolution  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2018's comic on:


Tags #holidays, #new year, #sarcasm, #weight, #new year's resolutions

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Carol: Do you have any New Year's resolutions? Dilbert: I resolve to not make major decisions about my life based on random calendar dates. Carol: So...nothing about your weight? Dilbert: Worst holiday ever.

Seventeen Pieces Of Evidence

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Seventeen Pieces Of Evidence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #spying, #moron, #elbonian

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the boss: we have seventeen pieces of evidence that you are an elbonian spy. dilbert: no, you have seventeen coincidences and a bad case of confirmation bias. dilbert: how about i prove you're a moron and see how far that gets us?

Jargon Cancelling Headphones

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Jargon Cancelling Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2019's comic on:


Tags #doctor, #doctors' offices, #office, #office workers, #prescription, #headphones, #jargon

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doctor: looks like you have a bad case of jargon poisoning. doctor: i'll write you a prescription for jargon-canceling headphones. they translate jargon words to normal words. office worker: let's stay in our swim lane while the tiger teams get buy-in on the verticals. dilbert hears this with headphones: nothing, nothing, nothing.

Dilbert Gets A Mentor

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Dilbert Gets A Mentor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #Advice, #mentor, #productivity, #operations, #vice president, #pressure, #trick

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boss: i heard you asked our v.p. of operations to be your mentor. why didn't you tell me you needed some mentoring? i'm full of useful advice. dilbert: such as? boss: well... not you're putting me on the spot. it's hard to think of advice while you're pressuring me. maybe you could give me a scenario, and then i'll tell you what to do. dilbert: okay, suppose my boss is ruining my productivity by yammering about his great advice. what can i do? boss: that feels like a trick question. dilbert: our v.p. of operations could answer it.

Attending A Funeral

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Attending A Funeral - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #time off, #funeral, #sick, #unsympathetic

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carol talking to distracted boss on cell phone: can i take the day off to attend a funeral? boss: sure. i didn't even know you were sick. carol: it's not my own funeral. boss: oh. in that case, no.

Flag Me When You Are Done

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Flag Me When You Are Done - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2019's comic on:


Tags #office work, #flag, #burden, #rude, #business

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dogbert: i find it a burden to listen to you. maybe you could wave this flag to signal when you are done talking just in case i want to say something. dilbert: you are very rude. dogbert: flag me when you are done with whatever this is.

Wally Stopped Trying

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Wally Stopped Trying - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2020's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #useless, #trying, #incompetence, #co-workers, #pay, #work

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wally: this week i didn't do any work because there is no point in trying. in the unlikely event i did something useful, it would be ruined by the massive incompetence of my co-workers. boss: i pay you to act as if you are trying. wally: oh, in that case, i worked hard this week.

Appearing In Photos

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Appearing In Photos - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2020's comic on:


Tags #co-workers, #technology, #social media, #friends, #Opinion, #abhor, #person, #characteristics, #jerk

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tina: i can't be your friend because i saw a disturbing photo of you on social media. you were in a group photo with a person whose opinions i abhor. dilbert: can you explain why that makes me a bad person? tina: sure. duh. when you appear in photos with other people, you acquire their bad characteristics. dilbert: i don't think that's how it works. tina: that's exactly how it works! one photo with a jerk makes you a jerk! case closed! dilbert taking selfie with Tina in background: smile. tina upset: no-ooo!!!

Impostor Syndrome

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Impostor Syndrome  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2020's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #business, #imposter, #syndrome, #manager, #acting, #pretend

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boss: i have a bad case of imposter syndrome. i feel as if i'm only pretending to be a good manager, and someday everyone will find out it's an act. dilbert: if it makes you feel any better, we figured that out a while ago.