Computer Software Comic Strips - Page 29
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870 Results for Computer Software
View 281 - 290 results for computer software comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Software" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday December 07,
2008
Tags computer, defense, security, workstation, logged in, netowrk, teach someone a lesson, activating defensive wedgie system, violated perimeter, technology
Transcript
The boss: This workstation is still logged in to the network. It's time to teach someone a lesson about security. I'll just go in here and... Computer: WARNING! WARNING! IDIOT ALERT! The boss: GAAA! Computer: ACTIVATING DEFENSIVE WEDGIE SYSTEM.Dilbert: I have to go. Some idiot violated my perimeter. The boss: Please make it stop. Dilbert: Then how would you learn?
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday May 16,
2010
Tags wolfgang, legend, spread rumor, scacred, hand up, shake, beard, name, plead, bow, software genius
Transcript
The Boss says, "I asked Wolfgang to join us." The Boss says, "He's a software genius, if not a legend." The Boss says, "He knows more than all of you put together." The Boss says, "Plus his name is Wolfgang." The Boss says, "Some say his talent is a genetic mutation. Others say that god speaks to him in Unix." The Boss says, "All we know for sure is that he glows, and he never needs to eat." The Boss says, "I feel a chill. It means he's appraoching." The Boss says, "Please don't reprogram my DNA and make me a monkey-man!!!" Wally says, "People make a lot of assumptions when you change your name to Wolfgang and stop shaving."
Sunday June 27,
2010
Tags computer help, trap, yell, freak out, hair stand up, rant, hug, kill, head in hands
Transcript
Tina says, "I need help with my computer." Dilbert says, "It's a trap!" Dilbert says, "If I touch your computer, you'll think that every future problem is caused by something I did." Dilbert says, "You'll tell everyone I ruined your computer!" Dilbert says, "I'll be obligated to solve every computer problem you have from this day on." Dilbert says, "My own projects will be left to wither as I show you for the ninethieth time how to select a new font." Dilbert says, "If I refuse to help, you'll tell my boss I'm not a team play." Tina says, "Do you need a hug?" Dilbert says, "Only if you can squeeze hard enough to kill me."
Sunday February 11,
2007
Tags travel budget, training budget, training support, software busdget, training, mandatory software upgarde, brains
Transcript
Alice: Our travel budget is shot. The Boss: We'll take money out of the training budget. Dilbert: We need training to support our new product. The Boss: We'll use the software budget for training. Asok: We need to do a mandatory software upgrade. Fine. Move some money from teh travel budget to the software budget. The Boss: Geez, you people do nothing but complain. Meanwhile I'm managing my brains out. Alice: I wondered what happened to them. The boss: Happened to what?
Sunday August 26,
2007
Tags no rasie, oo many questions, can't do job, saved emails, policies and procedures, misperception, buy software, permission, emails, another question
Transcript
The boss: "I can't give you a raise because you ask me too many questions." "That's a sign that you can't do your job." Dilbert: "I anticipated your misperception and prepared for it." "I saved all of my e-mails and matched them to your policies and procedures." "For example, this is your e-mail saying we need your permission to buy software." "And here's my e-mail asking if I can buy some software." "Should I run through the other seven hundred documented examples?" The Boss: "There you go asking another question."
Sunday September 30,
2007
Tags carpet fishing, devised a game, computer, string, randomly picks location, hooked fish marlin, salmon, killing time, technology
Transcript
Alice: "What are you doing?" Dilbert: "Carpet fishing." "It's a sport I invented." "I divided the carpet in my cubicle into a numbered grid." "Then I wrote a computer program that randomly picks a carpet location and a type of fish about once an hour." "If it picks the carpet location where I happen to be dangling this string, it means I hooked a fish." "Yesterday I caught a marlin." "Did you come here for some reason other than to spoil the salmon run?"
Wednesday August 01,
2007
Tags management software, track 3, least valuable asset, noise cancellation, headphones
Transcript
The Boss: Wally, I bought Dogbert's Management Software to yell at you so I don't have to." "I recommend Track 3, titled 'You're my least valuable asset'." Dogbert: Who wants to buy Dogbert's noise cancellation headphones for bad employees?" "I need you less than my mousepad."
Saturday September 01,
2007
Tags typo in budget, 2 things, can't buy, hardware, software, boss, offcie, engineering
Transcript
The Boss: "I made a typo in my annual budget request, but don't worry." "There are only two things you can't buy for the test lab this year." "Hardware and software."
Monday November 05,
2007
Tags price quite, taxes, shipping, cable, carts, software, memory, upgrades, maintence, insurance, needy, engineering
Transcript
"That price quote includes everything!" Dilbert: "What about taxes, shipping, cables, carts, software, memory upgrades, maintenance and insurance?" "Has anyone ever called you needy?"
Friday November 30,
2007
Tags tech support, original problem, crazy or liar, both, computer, technology
Transcript
Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert: "No one else has ever reported that problem." "That means you are either crazy or a liar." Man: "It's a little of both, but how did you know?" DOgbert: "I can see through your computer."


