Monthly Plan Comic Strips - Page 29

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View 281 - 290 results for monthly plan comic strips. Discover the best "Monthly Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wally and boss, #no actual work, #excellent reviews, #make job helll, #moved cucbicle, #bathroom stall, #cubicle with door, #calls mother

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Wally sits in the Boss' office. The Boss says, "Wally, you haven't done any actual work in years, and yet we continue to pay you." Wally says, "Have I said thanks?" The Boss replies, "I'd fire you, but your performance reviews are all 'excellents." The Boss continues, "So, my plan is to make your job a living hell until you quit." Wally raises his fist and says, "You'll never win! My standards are lower than you can imagine!" The Boss says, "I'll start by moving you to a smaller cubicle." Wally crosses his arms and says, "Is that the best you got? Ha! Ha! Ha!" Wally is in a bathroom stall on the phone. He says, "Mom, guess who got an office with a door!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #give away prodcut, #for free, #deinstall it, #bill customers, #consumer despaitations

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The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "My plan is to give away our product for free." The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We'll only bill customers who ask us to deinstall it." Wally and Dilbert continue looking on impassively as The Boss continues, "For once, those reports of consumer decapitations will work in our favor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #retaining best employees, #whittle, #confidence, #hire

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Dogbert asks The Boss, "Do you have a plan for retaining the best employees?" The Boss says, "I whittle at their confidence until they believe no one else would ever hire them." Dogbert says, "Doesn't that make them sluggish?" The Boss says, "Yes, but if they're all sluggish, it looks right."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #threw computer, #off roof, #killed customer, #replace, #look a like, #worker, #clones, #coverup

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The Boss, Wally and Alice are sitting at a conference table. The Boss says "Someone threw a computer off the roof and killed our biggest customer." Alice appears shocked. The Boss continues, "We plan to replace him with a lookalike who will continue buying from us." The Boss holds up a picture of Wally. Wally says, "Hey, that's Willy from the club of people who look exactly like me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #yoga class, #harmony and blance, #stare at stretchy women

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Wally approaches from behind and says, "I signed up for a yoga class." Wally continues, "They say it will help me achieve harmony and balance." Wally continues, "Failing at that, I plan to stare at stretchy women."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #use my raise, #move from home, #handicapped stall, #storage facility, #house warming, #gift, #flashlight, #hesitate, #call alice

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Dilbert, Wally, and Asok are eating lunch. Asok says, "I plan to use my raise to move my home in the handicapped stall to a storage facility." Asok continues, "If you are trying to think of a housewarming gift, I wouldn't say no to a flashlight." Wally says, "If you need help moving, don't hesitate to call Alice." Asok replies, "You are too kind."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonia, #nuclear power, #warhead, #enemies, #kneebonia, #match

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A newscaster on television says, "The impoverished nation of Elbonia became a nuclear power today." Dilbert pours coffee and watches the news. The newscaster continues, "They plan to test their one and only warhead to frighten their enemies in Kneebonia." Two Elbonians are carrying the warhead. One Elbonian says, "I'M not going to ask him for a match. YOU ask him!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #training budget slashed, #cancel class, #already paid, #appear smart, #while secretly stupid

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "The training budget got slashed. You have to cancel your class." Dilbert responds, "We already paid for the class." The Boss replies, "We'll look bad if you go." Dilbert says, "So, our plan is to appear smart while secretly being stupid?" The Boss replies, "You can make anything sound bad."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #demoted, #spread rumors, #new boss, #fired, #clueless human, #doesn't work, #denial

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Headline: Demoted. The Boss says to Wally, "I plan to spread rumors about our new boss until I'm fired." The Boss continues, "I'll tell everyone that he's the most clueless human that ever lived. Hee hee!" Wally responds, "Believe me, that doesn't work." The Boss says, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #30 thousand employees, #emails jokes per week, #file bankruptcy, #lost prodcutivity, #ten million, #holding employee responsible

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Catbert says to Tina, "Tina, our records show that you forward an average of nineteen e-mail jokes per week." Catbert continues, "Each joke goes to 30,000 employees, costing us ten million per year in lost productivity." Catbert concludes, "We plan to blame you when we file for bankruptcy next week." Tina is visibly worried.