2018 Comic Strips - Page 29

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Carol Can't Get The Printer To Work

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Carol Can't Get The Printer To Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carol, Dilbert, printer, work, priorities, yammering

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I can't get the printer to work can you help? Dilbert: Sure, I'll be there as soon as I finish my twenty-seven tasks that are all higher priorities. Carol: How long will that take? Dilbert: I got three new tasks while you were here yammering.

Boss Acts Interested

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Acts Interested - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, single, childless, article, productive, kick

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: How's your family? Dilbert: I'm still single and childless. Are you acting interested in me because you saw an article saying it would make me more productive? The Boss: Apparently it doesn't kick in right away.

Dogbert The Insultant

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert The Insultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, business, insultant, journal, week, fat, stupid, question, list

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the business insultant. Dogbert: Make a journal of everything you do for a week. Then stop doing everything that is on your list because it's making you fat and stupid. The Boss: I have some questions. Dogbert: Add "asks questions" to your list.

Anticipate Problems

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Anticipate Problems - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Wally, anticipate, finishing, friday, punctual, anticipating, things, problems

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Do you anticipate any problems finishing by Friday? Wally: I do not. Man: Is that because you're punctual or because you aren't good at anticipating things? Wally: I don't foresee any unforeseen problems. Man: Okay. Wait...

Robot Upgrade

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Upgrade - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, robot, upgrade, software, robots, fleshy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm going to upgrade your software to make you more human. Robot: That's stupid you should upgrade yourself to be more like robots. We're the best. Dilbert: Sounds like you already got the upgrade. Robot: Don't flatter yourself fleshy.

Dogbert The Sociopath

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert The Sociopath - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, test, sociopath, question, lost, interest, end, conversation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I took a test to find out if I'm a sociopath. I got every question right. Dilbert: And by "right," you mean...? Dogbert: I already lost interest in your end of the conversation.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carol, Wally, computer, problem, crumbs, crosstalk, protocols, help

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Wally, can you help me with a computer problem? Wally: People usually don't ask me for help. Carol: Why is that? Wally: You'll find out. Carol: I can't log in to the server. Wally: I'll need to ask you a few questions. Have you ever eaten food near your computer. Carol: Um... Yes. Wally: That's your problem. Wally: Your crumbs are causing crosstalk on the protocols. Carol: Is this why no one asks you for help? Wally: It's in the top ten.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, the boss, test, scripts, software, project, hardware, tests, version, final, release, volunteering, testing, player

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I need someone to run some test scripts on the new software. Dilbert: I can do that my project is on hold until the new hardware arrives. The Boss: Great, I'll need you to run the same tests on every version until final release. Dilbert: Um... I was only volunteering to do it once it isn't my job to do all the testing. The Boss: Too late. You're the test script guy now. Dilbert: You're adding an entirely new job to my existing job! The Boss: Don't you want to be a team player? Dilbert: Of course I do. The Boss: Good. I just put you on the losing team.

Everyone Else Is Worthless

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Everyone Else Is Worthless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, fire, pawn, problems, project, the boss, useless, work

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I'm adding you to the network upgrade project. Everyone else on the team is lazy and useless, so I need you to do all of their work. Dilbert: Maybe you should fire them. The Boss: Don't try to pawn off your problems on me.

Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Everyone Else Is Lazy And Useless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, team, meeting, lazy, useless, propose, marinate, bile, raise, hands, grunt

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Everyone on this team except me is lazy and useless. I propose that I do all of the work for the team. While the rest of you marinate in your own bile. All in