Catbert Comic Strips - Page 29

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655 Results for Catbert

View 281 - 290 results for Catbert comic strips. Discover the best "Catbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags eating at desk, furry log, stealing from company

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CatBert: "Eating at your desk is like stealing from the company, Alice." Alice: "I'm working through my lunch hour, you furry log." Catbert: "Furry log?" Alice: "It's a term of endearment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, change name, workplace, evil enough, evil laugh, business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I might change my department's name." "To "Workplace Services." BU-WHA-HA-HA-HA!!" "When things don't sound evil enough on their own, I like to toss in a bu-wha-ha-ha-ha."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil director, human resources, assistant manager, simialr, slightly worse, wouldn't be threat, data base, both hideous, criminally insane, hate cats, business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I need to hire an assistant manager." "I want someone similar to me, but slightly worse in every way." "Worse than you??" "Yes, but only slightly." "The ideal candidate wouldn't be a threat to replace me." "I'll check my database of applicants who are both hideous and criminally insane." "I said slightly worse." "Exactly. I found one." "I can pretend to read in five languages." "I hate cats."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dont worry, high crime area, experts assure you, gange members, exhautsed, beat up

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CAtbert: Don't worry that the company is moving to a high-crime area. "My experts assure me that you'll have a 90% chance of survival every time you walk outside." "That estimate depends on the assumption that the gang members become exhausted from beating you up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, expect raises, bad ratings, reflect poorly, ability to motivate, useless people, feel bad

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, campiagn, employee happiness, forbidden fruit, no dating emplyees, date each other

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources AS part of my ongoing campaign against employee happiness.." "Employees are not allowed to date each other." "Now you're forbidden fruit...yummmy." "Stay back, rule-breaker."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags leadership succession plan, freeze hiring, staff, pormotion, bad idea

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Catbert: "You have to have a leadership succession plan." "There's a freeze on hiring, so you'll have to pick someone from your staff." Alice: "So, if something horrible happened to you, I'd get a promotion?" The boss: "This was a bad idea."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, help balancing, personal life, no love, sound sunhealthy, pill crybaby, business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. "I need help balancing my career with my personal life." "I recommend a book called "No one will ever love you." It'll crush your hope for a personal life and free up more time for work." "That sounds unhealthy." "Take a pill, crybaby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hired a genius, faking british accent, ello bird, sexy sounds

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"I thought I hired a genius." "But he turned out to be an ordinary guy faking a British accent." "'Ello, bird. 'Ow 'bout a spot o' tea? Whot do you say, gov'nor?" "Who's making those sexy sounds?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, office efficency, celebrated, done forevre, feel special

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources In order to improve office efficiency, all birthdays will be celebrated on the same day." "Do you mean one clebration per year, or just once and then we're done forever?" "Just once." "Well, at least I'll feel special once. What day is the celebration?" "Yesterday."