Ask Comic Strips - Page 29

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

413 Results for Ask

View 281 - 290 results for ask comic strips. Discover the best "Ask" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, values, don't run with scissors, ask for raises, employee values, business

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Experts say we need to empower employees with "values." So I guess we need some values, whatever the heck those are. Boss: I think it's like "Don't run with scissors." CEO: Let's start with that and see if they stop asking for raises.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags irony, managers & supervisors, interface, finished, started, micromanagement, bad reputation, optimistic, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I can't wait to see the changes I asked you to make on the interface. Our last meeting was two months ago. You must be finished by now. Coworker: I haven't started yet. I had a few questions. I figured I'd ask you about them the next time we talked. In the meantime I only did work for people who yelled at me every day. Micromanagement has a bad reputation, but I'm not too proud to say I need it. Dilbert: Okay... well, I'm optimistic that you can make those changes for me by next week. Coworker: I probably should have asked my questions.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cats & kittens, surgery, surgeon, left something inside, left stuff, wallet, car keys, cat, meow, animals, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: It's your surgeon. He says he might have left something inside you. Boss: What??! A sponge? A scalpel? Carol: No... his watch. And... his car keys... and wallet. He says he used your torso to store his valuables while he went for a run. Boss: Meow! Carol: I'll ask about that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags access, apprval, blocked website, cip, director of hr, hostiliy, mean, threat

View Transcript

Transcript

This website has been blocked by your company. Dilbert: Mordac, I need access to a blocked site for business reasons, Mordac: I can only unblock the site if the director of human resources sends me a written approval. Catbert: I can only make recommendations, Our Cis still has to approve it. Chief Information Officer How dare you bother me with your trivial website problem! Carol back into your hole and think about the career mistake you just made! Dilbert: Can we kip the part where you ask me what I accomplished this week?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, laziness, training class, training expenses, vendor, permission, proactive, alleged class, truts, aggressiveness, uselessness

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I accomplished nothing this week because I was in a training class. Boss: I didn't approve any training expenses. Wally: A vendor paid for it. Boss: You didn't ask for permission. Wally: I'm proactive and empowered. Boss: And what was the name of this alleged class? Wally: Advanced scripting structure for internetwork optimization of SQL databases. Boss: That doesn't sound real. Wally: I can't do my job if you don't trust me! Do you like how I combined aggressiveness with my baseline level of uselessness? I have a good feeling about this. Dilbert: You might need more aggressiveness.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, snobbishness, ceo visitis, questions, ceo, special treatment

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When our CEO visits, don't ask him any questions. He hates questions. And don't stare. He hates it when people look at him. Dilbert: May we breathe the air on his planet? Boss: Only the stuff he exhales.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, lawyers, software, license, legal dept, services, email, open source, definsition, forge signature, software license, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Can you approve the purchase of this software? Boss: You need to run the software license past legal first. Lawyer: You need to fill out a legal services request form. I'll email it to you. Make sure you specify whether the software is open source or not. Dilbert: How would I know if it meets your definition of open source? Lawyer: It depends how the license is written. You'll need to ask legal to review it. Dilbert: Never mind. I'll just forge your signature on the form. Lawyer: Maybe this is why I've never seen a software license.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, managers & supervisors, product changes, change orders, new features, online change order system, old forms, change order, managemet, better plan, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss; Don't make any product changes without change orders. When users ask for new features, direct them to the online change order system. Dilbert: That system only has the old forms. Boss: Tell someone to put the new ones on there. Wally: That would require a change order. Dilbert: Maybe we could tell users our sense of hope was killed by something called management. The we could sort of slump over like we're waiting for death's cold embrace. Boss: I'll get back to you if I think of a better plan.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer programmers, managers & supervisors, obliviousness, code consistency, legacy systems, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's your take on code consistency versus best practices for legacy systems? Boss; I want all of that stuff and I want it now. Dilbert: When people ask what you do for a living, what the $%@* do you say?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, prices, executive coaching, meetings

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert The Executive Coach Dogbert: The ROI for executive coaching is 9,000%. CEO: Wow! That's a lot! But I need a coach who won't ask em to do anything differently. Dogbert: I wasn't planning to show up for our meetings. CEO: Perfect. How much do I owe you for today?