Director Of Security Comic Strips - Page 29

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348 Results for Director Of Security

View 281 - 290 results for director of security comic strips. Discover the best "Director Of Security" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2009's comic on:


Tags #explaining, #human resources, #side effect, #hatred, #threatening, #business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Dilbert says, "My prescription meds caused me to grow wings." Catbert says, "I have a sudden urge to kill you because you're different." Dilbert says, "But that would be wrong." Catbert says, "'Wrong' is one of those concepts that depends on witnesses."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 2009's comic on:


Tags #punishment, #beard, #mislead, #book, #worker, #background check, #innocent, #screaming

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The Boss says, "Ted, I just got the results of your security clearance background check." The Boss says, "Homeland security ordered me to beat you to death with our emergency preparedness binder." Ted says, "But?.I haven't done anything wrong!" The Boss says, "I might have said some things about your new beard."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2009's comic on:


Tags #secret, #research, #gmail, #email, #lying, #talking, #director, #coffee, #science

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Wally says, "The director of our top secret research group wants to borrow me for six months." Wally says, "During that time, you will not know where I am or what I'm working on." The Boss says, "I need to hear this from the director." Wally says, "I'll ask him to email you from his gmail account."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2009's comic on:


Tags #demon, #marketing, #confusion, #anger, #price, #customer, #business

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The Boss says, "Our new director of marketing is an angry demon of some sort." The Boss says, "He's in charge of making our prices impossible for customers to understand." Woman says, "What the #%!* kind of price is "it depends"? Asok says, "He makes me say these things."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2010's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #survey, #benefits, #human resources, #business

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CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES Catbert says, ?According to the employee survey, you want fewer benefits.? Dilbert says, ?I don't remember doing a survey.? Catbert says, ?We polled a random sample.? Dilbert says, ?That seems a bit suspicious.? Catbert says, ?In other findings, you want more verbal abuse.?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #acid, #vat, #toxic fumes, #standing on chair, #scared, #business

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CATBERT: EVIL DIRECTOR OF HUMAN RESOURCES Catbert says, ?Ted, I'm transferring you to a job with a higher risk of industrial accidents.? Catbert says, ?Your job will involve reaching over a vat of acid while wearing no safety harness.? Ted says, ?Why do we have a vat of acid?? Catbert says, ?Because toxic fumes take forever.?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags #urban legends, #reality, #check up, #underwear, #doctor, #exam, #social security number, #tic tacs, #pills, #trick, #medical

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The Boss says, "I can't tell the difference between urban legends and reality." Doctor says, "I'll need your social security number so I can tell the government not to count any votes you cast." The Boss says, "You can do that?" Doctor says, "Here're some pills that look exactly like tic tacs."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2010's comic on:


Tags #ted, #wrong, #termination, #fired, #documents, #security access, #passwords, #fix, #fugitive, #security, #trick

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The Boss says, "Carol, you filled out Ted's termination documents wrong. You put my name in the box as the fired employee." The Boss says, "My security access has been revoked. My phone is shut off, and my passwords are deactivated." The Boss says, "You need to fix this." Carol says, "Security, I found the fugitive."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #security access, #canceled, #accident, #mistake, #scared, #fugitive, #nervous, #invisible, #teach, #useless, #hvac, #breathing, #cubicle, #blend in, #secuirty guard

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The Boss says, "My security access was accidentally canceled and now I'm a fugitive." The Boss says, "Can you teach me to be as useless as you are so I'm invisible for all practical purposes?" Guard says, "I hear breathing but it must be the HVAC system." Wally says, "Be the cubicle."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #security, #canceled, #accident, #help, #scared, #nervous, #ductwork, #forage, #stale donuts, #manage, #small vent

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The Boss says, "Asok, my security clearance was accidentally canceled. I need your help." Asok says, "Maybe you could live in the ductwork, and forage for stale donuts after dark." The Boss says, "How can I fit in there?" Asok says, "Try foraging as effectively as you manage."