Help Comic Strips - Page 29

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

424 Results for Help

View 281 - 290 results for help comic strips. Discover the best "Help" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags avoid work, lazy, love, crazy, insane, stalking, old carpet, married, wide eyes, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol says, "Wally, you helped me avoid work, and now I can't help loving you." Carol says, "I show my love by a combination of insanity and stalking." Wally says, "Aren't you married?" Carol says, "You owe me an old carpet."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dog, warranty plan, design, hell, hot, tongs, wide eyes, evil, insurance, animals

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I hired a confusopoly consultant to help us design an extended warranty plan." Dogbert says, "Our goal is to scare people into buying insurance that doesn't cover anything." Dogbert says, "I can't tell you where the contract was designed, but be careful because it's still hot."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer help, trap, yell, freak out, hair stand up, rant, hug, kill, head in hands

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina says, "I need help with my computer." Dilbert says, "It's a trap!" Dilbert says, "If I touch your computer, you'll think that every future problem is caused by something I did." Dilbert says, "You'll tell everyone I ruined your computer!" Dilbert says, "I'll be obligated to solve every computer problem you have from this day on." Dilbert says, "My own projects will be left to wither as I show you for the ninethieth time how to select a new font." Dilbert says, "If I refuse to help, you'll tell my boss I'm not a team play." Tina says, "Do you need a hug?" Dilbert says, "Only if you can squeeze hard enough to kill me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, presentation, sales division, public speaking, scared, fear, stomach in mouth

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Asok, I need you to help Alice give a presentation to 500 sales reps." GMPH!!! The Boss says, "Is that your stomach?" Asok says, "Yeth."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mother, son, help, rebate, laptop, tv, ringtone, scheme, plan, yell, phone call, Family

View Transcript

Transcript

Mom says, "Dilbert, could you help me fill out this rebate form the next time you visit?" Dilbert says, "Sure, mom." Mom says, "Also, my laptop keeps crashing." Dilbert says, "I'll take a look at it." Mom says, "My TV is acting up again too." Mom says, "And maybe you could show me how to change my ringtone." Dilbert says, "Do you really need all of that help?" Dilbert says, "Or is this an elaborate scheme to inoculate against me ever wanting to move back home?" Mom says, "We have a bad connection! What? What? What?" Mom thinks, "That should buy me another six months."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags mother, son, sarcastic, plant, flower pot, web only company, imagination, Family

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "My company is going to a web-only business model." Mom says, "That's terrific." Mom says, "What's phase three? Does it involve operating only in your own imagination?" Dilbert says, "Be nice." Mom says, "Maybe you can help me grow this plant back into a seed."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags human resources, complaint, cat, lunch, clean room, loofah, french bread, itch back, animals, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert says, "I'm getting a lot of complaints about you eating your lunch in the clean room." Catbert says, "And people don't like it when you use a loofah in there." The Boss says, "That's my french bread. And I can't help it if my back itches."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags experinced, industry, technology, youth oriented, culture, modem, hit with modem, new technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Old man: I know what Im talking about. I have thirty years in this industry! Asok: How does that help you understand technology that is six months old in a youth oriented culture? Old man: GRRR... ASOK: Please don't hit me with your modem.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I hired a consultant to help us evolve our products to cloud computing." Dogbert says, "Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud." The Boss says, "It's as if your'e a technologist and a philosopher all in one!" Dogbert says, "blah blah platform."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, lying, work ethic, wasting time options, two options, truth or lie, pin blame, faster to hear lie, document is perfect, assign balme, later say misinterpreted

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman says, "Dilbert, your boss asked me to get your input on this." Dilbert says, "Absolutely, Ruth." Dilbert says, "We have two options for wasting our time here." Dilbert says, "Option one: I could tell you all of the things you should change, and you could ignore me as usual." Dilbert says, "Option two: I could lie, and tell you that everything is perfect." Woman says, "I prefer the lie. That way I can pin some blame on you if things go bad." Dilbert says, "Excellent choice. It's faster, and I can later say I was misinterpreted." Dilbert says, "Okay then, I declare that your document is perfect, under a certain set of assumptions that I won't list." The Boss says, "Did you help Ruth?" Dilbert says, "I'll say yes, but it's sort of a gray area."