Smashed Pay Comic Strips - Page 29

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328 Results for Smashed Pay

View 281 - 290 results for smashed pay comic strips. Discover the best "Smashed Pay" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert's Recommendations

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Dogbert's Recommendations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, consultant, listening, employees, business

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Dogbert Consults. Dogbert: I recommend doing all of the things your employees have been telling you to do. Boss: I don't see why I should pay you for this. Dogbert: Oh. Then how about doing all the things your competition is doing? Boss: Now, that's a great idea. Dogbert: Good, because that's what your employees have been telling you to do.

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Ceo Sits On His Wallet

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Ceo Sits On His Wallet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, perspective, suffering, competition

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CEO: I hate to complain, but it hurts when I sit on my wallet for too long. Asok: I risked an honor killing to pay my rent. CEO: This is why I hate to complain. Asok: I know a hundred ways to eat a spider.

Don't Harm The Artificial Soul

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Don't Harm The Artificial Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags soul, drone, artificial intelligence, frustration, death, medical

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Dilbert: Pay no attention to the drone. That's where I keep my artificial soul. It's still in beta, so please don't say anything that might harm it. Boss: Let's go around the room and give our project updates. Drone: Pow!

Ruining Dilbert's Flow

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Ruining Dilbert's Flow - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stress, deadline, work load, multitask, compensation, money

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Boss: I'm giving you another software project to work on at the same time as your main project. Dilbert: That will ruin my flow. It will take too long to reset my brain when I switch between projects. Boss: Have you tried working longer hours without extra pay? Dilbert: Yes I have!

Days Off Versus More Pay

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Days Off Versus More Pay - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags catch-22, wages, trick question, vacation, compensation, money

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Boss: Would you rather have more days off or more pay? Alice: Days off. Dilbert: Days off. Wally: Days off. Boss: You were right-- we're paying them too much.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wages, salary, secret, anger, compensation, money, unfair

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Catbert: You left a speadsheet with everyone salary in the copier. Boss: Oops. Catbert: By now, every employee has seen it. Boss: Should I be worried that it will lower morale? Catbert: No, I wouldn't worry about that. I would worry about heads exploding when they find out Wally has the highest pay in the department. Noise: Pow!!! Catbert: It's going to be a long week. Boss: Would you mind kicking that angry eyeball into the trash?

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wages, cost of living, raise, money, rent, apartment, roommate, space

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Asok: I need a raise because the cost of living around here is too high. Boss: Stop being greedy. I pay you plenty. Asok: I can't even afford to rent an apartment. Boss: Get some roommates. Asok: I can't afford that either. I've been sleeping on a baby changing table in a public restroom. And the janitor has been charging me $3,000 per month for that. Boss: How wide is the baby changing table? Asok: Not wide enough for a roommate. Boss: Well, I'm out of ideas.

Dilbert Is Cleared Of Colluding

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Dilbert Is Cleared Of Colluding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags crime, attorney, lawyer, collusion, donald trump, russia, legal

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Dogbert: I've investigated Dilbert's email and phone records and I can say with confidence he did not collude with Elbonia. But there are many, many other crimes he might have committed, and you should pay me to investigate them. Dilbert: That wasn't helpful. Dogbert: Stop making it all about you.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, leadership, power, influence

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Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.

Focus Groups Are Unreliable

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Focus Groups Are Unreliable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags focus groups, strategy, logic

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Dilbert: Our focus groups don't like our new product idea. Boss: No problem. Focus groups aren't reliable. Dilbert: Why do we pay for unreliable information? Boss: We can't afford the other kind.