Arms Out Comic Strips - Page 29
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1000 Results for Arms Out
View 281 - 290 results for arms out comic strips. Discover the best "Arms Out" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday September 05,
2013
Tags embarrassment, internet & world wide web, interviews, resume, old way, job interview, data online data, ew, disgust, walked out
Transcript
Boss: I don't need to see your resume. That's the old way of hiring. Now we use data from the Internet to see what you've been up to lately. Ew. Applicant: I'll show myself out. Boss: You'll understand if I don't shake your hand.
Wednesday September 04,
2013
Tags competition (psychology), ignorance (knowledge), big tech firms, hiring people, prestigious degrees, hiring idiots, vacuum up, hiring accused murderers, bail
Transcript
Catbert: The big tech firms say they no longer care about hiring people who have prestigious degrees. Obviously, they're trying to sucker the rest of us into hiring idiots while they vacuum up the people from the top schools. CEO: We need to get on this. Catbert: We could say we get good results by hiring accused murderers who are out on bail.
Monday September 02,
2013
Tags fantasy, money, shrubs, budget estimates, spreadhseet, ipad, plant growing, well fertilized
Transcript
Asok: I put your budget estimates into a spreadsheet as you asked. A well-fertilized shrub sprouted out of my iPad. What does this mean? Boss: That's how you know the budget is done.
Friday August 30,
2013
Tags complaining, depression (mental state), inventions, self worth, doubt, microwave, machine language, kill me, beep
Transcript
Robot: You keep giving me trivial assignments that make me doubt my self-worth. Boss: Chill out. You don't hear the microwave whining all day long. Robot: He doesn't know that the machine word for "Please kill me is 'Beep.'" Microwave: Beep.
Saturday August 17,
2013
Sunday August 11,
2013
Tags frustration, lawyers, software, license, legal dept, services, email, open source, definsition, forge signature, software license, engineering
Transcript
Boss: Can you approve the purchase of this software? Boss: You need to run the software license past legal first. Lawyer: You need to fill out a legal services request form. I'll email it to you. Make sure you specify whether the software is open source or not. Dilbert: How would I know if it meets your definition of open source? Lawyer: It depends how the license is written. You'll need to ask legal to review it. Dilbert: Never mind. I'll just forge your signature on the form. Lawyer: Maybe this is why I've never seen a software license.
Wednesday August 07,
2013
Tags apathy, children & adults, genetic makeup, success, upbringing, warm thermos, curious type, mother, coffee, Family
Transcript
Asok: Do you think success is mostly a function of your genetic makeup or your upbringing? Wally: My mom raised me by putting a warm thermos of coffee in my crib and going out for the day. And I turned out great. Asok: I have no follow-up questions, in case you wondered. Wally: I'm not the curious type.
Tuesday July 30,
2013
Tags competition (psychology), elevators, fear, elevator, confrontation, threat, ceo, underling, power tripping
Transcript
CEO: Here's the hotshot that everyone says will someday take my job. I'm going to mentor you so hard your intestines will end up in your skull. Wally: I just figured out why people use the stairs.
Wednesday July 24,
2013
Tags apathy, work ethic, new revisions, work, meaning
Transcript
Carol: Ignore the page revisions I send out ten minutes ago. Your boss revised them again. Dilbert: Can I ignore the new revisions, too? I'm only asking because that was my plan. Carol: Thank you for removing the last shred of meaning from my work. Dilbert: It's what I do.
Friday July 19,
2013
Tags paying bills, trees, off site document, storage costs, out of control, core bsuiness, trees are jerks, money
Transcript
Boss: Our off-site document storage costs are growing out of control. At this rate, our core business can be summarized as "put trees in jail." This is when you say something wise and helpful. CEO: Trees are jerks.


