Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 29

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Dogbert

View 281 - 290 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, executives, mental health, psychopaths, grandiose sense, self worth, kill for asking

View Transcript

Transcript

Executive Coaching Dogbert; Research shows that CEOs are more likely to be psychopaths. Obviously, being a psychopath works. Don't let anyone tell you different. How's your grandiose sense of self-worth? CEO: It's the best. I should kill you for asking.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags executives, prices, executive coaching, meetings

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert The Executive Coach Dogbert: The ROI for executive coaching is 9,000%. CEO: Wow! That's a lot! But I need a coach who won't ask em to do anything differently. Dogbert: I wasn't planning to show up for our meetings. CEO: Perfect. How much do I owe you for today?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, innovate, google, apple, 3m, smart people, fire yourselves, business, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Today I'll teach you how to innovate the way Apple, Google, and 3M do it. Replace all of your dimwitted employees with smart people... then fire yourselves. The rest is just blah, blah, blah. Boss: Should we be taking notes?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lying, new business, professional liar, albis, job refernces, annual reports, born evil

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm starting a new business as a professional liar. I'll provide alibis, job references, annual reports, and that sort of thing. Dilbert; Were you born evil? Dogbert: It feels as if someone else had a hand in it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags courage, pessimism, motivation, temporary arrangement, oblivion, universe, needy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's my motivation today? Dogbert: You're a temporary arrangement of matter sliding toward oblivion in a cold, uncaring universe. Dilbert: That's it? Dogbert: Did I already say "needy?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags inventions, money, digital currency, bertcoin, kiss my wagger

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I invented a digital currency that I call "bitcoin." Soon I will control all of the money in the entire world. Bushahaha! Dilbert: Maybe you should hide your identity. Dogbert: Maybe you should kiss my wagger.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, frustration, relations between the sexes, modern world, purpose of men, money, bad jokes, faltulence, useless men, pondering on importance, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I'm not sure what function men serve in the modern world. My job pays well, so I have all the money I need. If something in my house breaks, I either fix it or pay someone to fix it. If I want a baby, I'll call a fertility doctor. In today's world, men are little more than carriers of bad jokes and flatulence. My gardener mows my lawn. Dilbert: I get it!!! Dogbert: That is disturbing. Dilbert: Not compared to the alternatives.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cancel service, deception, dogcart document, garbage trucks, service business, storage

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We've been using The Dogbert Offsite Document Storage Service for five years, and frankly, I'm concerned. Your service trucks look suspiciously like garbage trucks. I would cancel your service if I could find the contract. Dogbert: It's in "storage."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers & peripherals, inventions, space flight, experiment, reality, computer program, created by aliens, science

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My experiment proves our reality is a computer program created by aliens. What kind of jerks would yank us around like this? Alien Dilbert: Well, that was gonna happen... Meanwhile on Planet Epsilon-9...

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, gadgets, vision / eye care, wally glasses, google glasses, enhance reality

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I invented "Wally Glasses" to compete with Google's glasses. Google's glasses enhance reality, whereas Wally glasses make reality look like it isn't worth the effort. Dogbert: Let me know if they kill you.