2007 Comic Strips - Page 29

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"Hi, I'm Jeff, the human ashtray." "I like to lean in real close to people so they can enjoy my aroma!" "OW! OW! OW!" "Sounds like someone is getting his ash kicked."

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And now for another round of e-mail judo. "Let's see...This guy wants me to attend a meeting." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him I'm booked." "This guy wants some information." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him my hard drive crashed." "This idiot wants my input on his document." "Eee-yah! I'll tell him the attachment won't open." "Who's winning today?" "Not the people who sent me e-mail. Eee-yah!"

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Everything you do is different from the way I would do it. "That's how I know you're doing everything wrong." "I wouldn't be making that face."

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources "I'd like to discuss my career plan." "The plan is that we'll keep you around until we find a starving Elbonian to do your job for less." "In other words, blah, blah, maybe someday you will get a promotion."

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How can I achieve my full potential? "You already have." "What?" "Seriously. You already peaked." "I came to human resources for some guidance." "That's what tipped me off."

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"In order to boost productivity, the company has decided that employees can not use e-mail on Fridays." "What if my highest priorities require e-mail? Should I waste my day doing worthless stuff?" "Geez, somehow you made a great idea seem ridiculous." "Yeah, that's all me."

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I have finished my projects. What's next? "Make a spreadsheet and track something." "Track what?" "I think you'll find that it doesn't matter."

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Did you know that loneliness can't be cured by listening to others? "You can only feel alive and whole when others are listening to you?" "What do you think of that?" "Think of what?"

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"Some batteries in the lab leaked." "I cleaned it up, but there was no place to put all of the hazardous waste." "I couldn't put it in the regular trash or the recycling bin." "It's not legal to pour it down the drain or flush it." "So I put it between two pieces of bread and left it in the break room refrigerator." "GAAA!!!" "Not really. I just wanted to find out who's been eating my lunch." "You mean I'm not going to die?" "Not instantly."

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"Did you finish the technical evaluation?" "First draft." "Um...this says nothing but literally 'Blah, blah, blah.'" "I like to nail the spacing first."