2019 Comic Strips - Page 29

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Why Is Dilbert Arrogant

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Why Is Dilbert Arrogant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, intelligence, office, office workers, relationships, arrogance

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office worker: why are you so arrogant? dilbert: that's an illusion caused be a combination of your low intelligence and my track record of being right all the time. office worker: you're being arrogant again! dibert: or am I just right?

Wally's Dna

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Wally's Dna - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, dishes, break room, dna, genealogy

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carol: did you leave unwashed dishes in the break room? wally: it wasn't me. carol:" i got a dna sample off a fork, ran it against public genealogy records and narrowed it down to your family. carol: how do you explain that? wally: sounds like i have a child i don't know about.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argument, debates, frustration, office workers, evidence

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Man: ...And that's what I think about the issue. Dilbert: Here's a Youtube video proving that everything you believe is wrong. Notice this isn't just an opinion. It is a video of the entire event you just claimed did not happen. I'm sending you a link to ten media stories debunking your version of events. Having now proved how wrong you are. Would you like to retract everything you said about it? Man: Why can't you admit when you are wrong? Dilbert: Because I'm not wrong!!!

Brainwashing To Increase Sales

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Brainwashing To Increase Sales - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags questioning, brainwashing, technology, increase, ethnical

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Sean: Our brainwashing technology had boosted sales by 900% Dilbert: But is it ethnical? Sean: Yes, it is. Yes...It...Is

Sean From Extreme Marketing

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Sean From Extreme Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags extreme, marketing, sean, brainwashing, technology, unapprove, first

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Boss: This is Sean from the extreme marketing department. He's here to tell us about our new brainwashing technology. Dilbert: I don't approve of brainwashing. Sean: That's why I'm going to do you first.

Manipulation Via Dopamine

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Manipulation Via Dopamine - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer, lotalty, science, new, manipulate, addictions, mockery, free will, evil, extreme

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Boss: We've moved past the old notation of customer loyalty. Now we use science to manipulate dopamine and create addictions that make a mockery of free will. Dilbert: That sounds like the epitome of evil. Boss: We call it "extreme marketing."

Birds Cause Hurricanes

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Birds Cause Hurricanes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, ceo, research, nonsense, hurricans, birds, noted, polar bears, hate, snow

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CEO: I don't know enough about climate change to sound smart when people talk about it. Boss: Try doing your own research. That's how I learned that hurricanes are caused by birds. CEO: Write that down for me. Boss: And did you know polar bear hate snow?

Humans And Parakeets

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Humans And Parakeets - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, carol, research, humans, parakeets, offspring, blog, deny

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Boss: I was doing some research on the internet and learned that humans and parakeets can mate and produce offspring. Carol: I don't believe that. Boss: It's true. I read about it on a blog. Carol: I wouldn't call that "research". Boss: Deny science much?

Boss Does Research On Internet

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Boss Does Research On Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags internet, searching, secret, unbelievable, nonsense, afraid, truth

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Boss: I was doing some research on the internet... Dilbert: Uh-oh. Boss: And I learned that there is a secret cia base inside the sun, but no one is talking about it. Dilbert: Maybe you shouldn't do research on the internet. Boss: Why are you afraid of the truth?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags failure, inventions, office workers, power, science, success

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Dilbert: I predict fusion power will be a big deal in fifteen years. Man: Fusion reactors are impossible to build and always will be. Dilbert: Then why are a dozen startups working on it? Man: Everyone who ever tried to create a fusion reactor has failed so far. Dilbert: Thomas Edison failed many times at making a useful incandescent light bulb before he succeeded. Would you have advised him to give up after the first ten failed attempts? I eagerly await your irrational response. Man: Incandescent bulbs are bad for the environment. Dilbert: And there it is.