5 Years Comic Strips - Page 29

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

288 Results for 5 Years

View 281 - 288 results for 5 years comic strips. Discover the best "5 Years" comics from Dilbert.com.

Loving Yourself

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Loving Yourself  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #philosophy, #self love, #evil, #ignorant, #selfish, #lazy, #love

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: philosophers say loving yourself is the greatest love of all. carol: do philosophers really say that? boss: all the good ones do. after years of trying, i have finally learned to love myself. carol: i'm no philosopher, but instead of learning to love yourself the way you are... wouldn't it be better if you learned how to stop being an evil, ignorant, selfish piece of garbage. boss: that sounds a lot harder. carol: in other words, you are lazy. boss: i love that about me!

Judging By Looks

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Judging By Looks - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #interview, #manager, #judge, #offensive, #social media, #nonesense

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: i'd like to offer you a job, but ten years ago you said something offensive on social media. interviewee: i'm not the same person i was ten years ago. you are judging me by the actions of someone who literally no longer exists. boss: i get your point, but if i go back to the old way of judging people by their looks, we still end up in the same place.

Gaslighting The Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Gaslighting The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #month, #november, #october, #birthday, #family relations, #wife, #gaslight

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: what's the name of the month that comes after october? dilbert: november boss: that's what i thought. my wife is trying to gaslight me so she doesn't have to buy me a birthday present. dilbert: how long has she been doing that? boss: i thought i was 26 years old until just now.

Ted Liked A Tweet

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Liked A Tweet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employment, #managers & supervisors, #fired, #business, #twitter, #tweet, #hacked, #technology, #social media, #file, #lie, #plausible, #liked, #unacceptable

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: ted, i have to fire you for liking an unacceptable tweet seven years ago on twitter. ed: it..it..wasn't me. someone hacked my account, or maybe my finger slipped. boss: which lie do you want me to put in your file? ted: did either of them sound plausible?

Buying Tee Shirts

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Buying Tee Shirts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #clothing, #purchase, #retail, #size, #small, #t-shirt, #home, #shopping

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and dogbert at home. dilbert: do you like my new t-shirt? it's two sizes too small, but that's all they had. dogbert: wouldn't it be better to buy shirts that you like that are also the right size? dilbert: in theory, yes. but i have been buying t-shirts for years, and i don't recall seeing that option.

Ted Reimagined More

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ted Reimagined More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #employment, #unnecessary, #job, #budget, #sarcasm

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: when i say we need to reimagine your job, it means we no longer need anyone to do what you have been doing. ted: do you mind if i ask when you first realized that my job was totally unnecessary? boss: it was four years ago, but you seemed happy, and we had the budget to pay you, so...

Dogbert Gets Greenland

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Gets Greenland - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock market, #business, #technology, #stock, #greenland, #sale, #mercenary, #army, #apple, #bitcoin

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: wow. my apple stock just went up 1.5%. dogbert: i sold all of my bitcoin to acquire greenland. dilbert: i didn't know it was for sale. dogbert: it wasn't, but luckily a mercenary army was.

Remote Workers Do Not Mate

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Remote Workers Do Not Mate - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appearance, #dating, #love & dating, #walking, #outdoors, #dating app, #woman, #app, #reproduction, #inner qualities, #goodbye, #genes

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert and dogbert walking outside. dogbert: they say most people meet their future mates at work. now that you are working from home, your odds of mating just turned negative. you could try using a dating app to find a woman, but then you'd need to rely on your looks. obviously, that's a dead end. your best chance of reproduction has always been to wear down a co-worker over several years. women need time to get over your appearance, and to appreciate your inner qualities. we should have a goodbye party for your genes. dilbert: maybe next time we could walk and not talk. dogbert: maybe.