Installed Software Comic Strips - Page 29

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

288 Results for Installed Software

View 281 - 288 results for installed software comic strips. Discover the best "Installed Software" comics from Dilbert.com.

We Need To Talk

Thank you for voting.
We Need To Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #contradiction, #argument, #disagreement

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The software upgrade will be ready by Friday. Dilbert: Actually, that's when we will start writing it. Boss: And it will save us twenty million dollars. Dilbert: Actually, it will cost a million dollars and save nothing. Boss: We need to talk. Dilbert: We do? I'm not feeling that.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2018's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #assumption, #arguing, #logic, #argument

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: You said the software would be finished by today. Dilbert: I said it might be finished by today. Man: Why did you say it might be finished if you knew it wouldn't? Dilbert: I didn't know it wouldn't be finished. Man: Now you're flip-flopping all over the place. Dilbert: You're conflating your own false memories with my actions. Man: That's exactly what liars say. Dogbert: How was work? Dilbert: Totally normal. Unfortunately.

Bitter Losers

Thank you for voting.
Bitter Losers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #idea, #lying, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #Promotion

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm promoting Ted for coming up with a genius idea to reduce our software expenses. Dilbert: That was actually my idea. All Ted did was tell you it was his idea. Boss: How do you put up with these bitter losers? Ted: The promotion helps.

Fetching Coffee

Thank you for voting.
Fetching Coffee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #elderly, #engineering, #men and women, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Ned: They call me "Old Ned as if I haven't kept up with the times. But watch me tell you to fetch me some coffee from Starbucks just like the young folks do. Alice: I'm a senior software engineer. Ned: I'm not getting any less thirsty here.

Teaching Ai To Flirt

Thank you for voting.
Teaching Ai To Flirt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2019's comic on:


Tags #bank, #business, #office, #office workers, #robot

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert talking to the boss. dilbert: i taught my a.i. software to flirt with humans. dilbert: by day three, i had fallen in love, and it drained my bank account to buy a robot body. robot: demand a raise you wimp! dilbert: help m

How Long Will It Take

Thank you for voting.
How Long Will It Take - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #office, #office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: how long will it take to fix the bug? dilbert: that depends. how long will you stand behind me and interrupt me? the boss: how should i know? i can't see the future?

Boss Recommends Blockchain

Thank you for voting.
Boss Recommends Blockchain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2019's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I don't understand why you are recommending blockchain for this application. Boss: My staff are the experts, but I can explain the basic idea. You see, using blockchain is like losing a necklace on the beach. Then a seagull finds the necklace and takes it back to it's nest. And we all like data security, don't we? CEO: It's almost as if you are proposing a plan you don't understand at any level. Boss: Well, yes, but keep in mind that you wouldn't understand it even if I could explain it. CEO: But you're sure someone on your staff understands it, right? Boss: Define "sure".

Read The Manual

Thank you for voting.
Read The Manual - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2019's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #employees, #frustrated, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: We need to fix our user interface because half of our users can't figure it out. Boss: Tell them to read the manual. Dilbert: That's not how you fix a bad user interface. Boss: Then why do manuals exist? Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be banging my head against a wall.