Rich People Comic Strips - Page 29
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1000 Results for Rich People
View 281 - 290 results for rich people comic strips. Discover the best "Rich People" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday October 22,
2000
Tags deliver bad news, meet goals, fire an engineer, sales people, immoral, punish engineers, hole puncher
Transcript
The boss is walking and thinking, "Sometimes a manager must deliver bad news." The boss, behind Dilbert, thinks, "Luckily I enjoy it." The boss says, "Our sales force failed to meet their goals." The boss continues, "So I have to fire an engineer to reduce expenses." Dilbert says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You should fire the incompetent sales people!" Dilber continues, "It's immoral to punish innocent engineers for the sins of sales people! I will fight this all the way!" The boss says, "I'm firing Ted. Not you." Dilbert says, "Fair enough. Can you wait until I borrow his hole puncher?"
Tuesday June 18,
2013
Tags ignorance (knowledge), work ethic, too many smart people, boost perfromance, strategy, not paying attention
Transcript
Boss: Studies say that having too many smart people in a group lowers productivity. So I seeded this project team with an idiot to boost performance. Coworker: My strategy of not paying attention in school is finally paying off.
Sunday August 25,
2013
Tags natural disasters, disaster preparedness, famine, keyboard, crumbs, alene invasion, kill a coworker, lizard people, impending collison, asteroid, running in place, earth rotates, planet, hit by asteroid, human flesh, presentation is a disater
Transcript
Wally: I've been asked to explain our disaster preparedness plan. In the event of a famine, turn your keyboard upside down and shake. If it's anything like mine, you'll find a pound and a half of crumbs. In the event of an alien invasion, your best bet is to kill a co-worker to show your allegiance to the lizard-people. In the event of an impending collision with an asteroid, try running in place while the Earth rotates. If you time it right, you'll be on the other side of the planet when the asteroid hits. To prepare for every other type of disaster, I recommend cultivating a taste for human flesh. Boss: Your presentation is a disaster. Wally: And next time you'll be prepared for it.
Wednesday September 04,
2013
Tags competition (psychology), ignorance (knowledge), big tech firms, hiring people, prestigious degrees, hiring idiots, vacuum up, hiring accused murderers, bail
Transcript
Catbert: The big tech firms say they no longer care about hiring people who have prestigious degrees. Obviously, they're trying to sucker the rest of us into hiring idiots while they vacuum up the people from the top schools. CEO: We need to get on this. Catbert: We could say we get good results by hiring accused murderers who are out on bail.
Wednesday September 18,
2013
Tags ignorance (knowledge), managers & supervisors, innovate, google, apple, 3m, smart people, fire yourselves, business, technology
Transcript
Dogbert: Today I'll teach you how to innovate the way Apple, Google, and 3M do it. Replace all of your dimwitted employees with smart people... then fire yourselves. The rest is just blah, blah, blah. Boss: Should we be taking notes?
Saturday October 19,
2013
Tags complaining, conversation, dumb people, ignorance (knowledge), project taking long
Transcript
Boss: Why is your project taking longer than expected? Dilbert: It's only taking longer than dumb people expected. Boss: Still, that's a lot of people. Dilbert: What can I say to make this conversation end?
Tuesday November 05,
2013
Tags burglars & robbers, deception, discrimination, defective ones, ski mask, reading people
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you know who keeps raking my good cables and replacing them with defective ones? Alice: Certainly not me. But I did see an Elbonian wearing a hoodie near your bench. Dilbert: I'm not good at reading people. Alice: I'm counting on that.
Saturday November 09,
2013
Tags complaining, happiness, tasks, people, commute, paid less, nothing about job, psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: I like my job. But I don't like any of the tasks... or any of the people... I don't like the commute... and I'm paid less than I'm worth... and I'm not making the world a better place. Dogbert: Are you sure you like your job? Dilbert: Why do you ask?
Saturday November 23,
2013
Tags managers & supervisors, obliviousness, great leader, hires good people, no budget, micromanaging, half wits, afford, business
Transcript
Boss: A great leader hires good people and gives them the freedom to do their jobs. But I don't have the budget to hire good people, so I settle for micromanaging the half-wits I can afford. Catbert: Your boss was just in here saying the same thing.
Thursday December 12,
2013
Tags flattery, company, boss, flatter, infinite people, typewriter, butter up, business
Transcript
Wally: Our company needs more people like you. Not just more. We need infinite people just like you. Boss: Where is this going? Wally: And if each of you hat a typewriter, wow!


