Tech Support Dept Comic Strips - Page 29
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299 Results for Tech Support Dept
View 281 - 290 results for tech support dept comic strips. Discover the best "Tech Support Dept" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday April 30,
2017
Tags #technology, #cognition, #distraction, #Entertainment, #mindless, #cell phone, #internet, #social media
Transcript
Dilbert: I wanted to be productive this week but the big tech companies didn't let me. Boss: That's ridiculous. They can't stop people from doing work. Dilbert: Actually, they can. Their business models depend on interrupting users with ads, and apps, and mindless entertainment. Until recently, humans could resist these distractions. But now the tech companies are using science to make their apps addictive. They learned how to hijack our brains. What started as simple entertainment evolved into military-grade mind control. Did you hear any of that? Boss: Any of what?
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday July 11,
2017
Unethical Assumptions
Tags #money, #ethics, #misleading, #finances, #budget
Transcript
Boss: Your financial projection doesn't support my preferred strategy. Maybe you could tweak the discount rate to 40%. Dilbert: You're asking me to be unethical. Boss: Only with your assumptions.
Wednesday November 15,
2017
Wally's Watch Is A Snitch
Tags #wearable tech, #health, #surveillance, #fitbit, #monitor, #fitness, #attendance
Transcript
Wally: I can't come to work today. I'm totally sick. Boss: According to your employee health monitor, you're not sick at all. Wally: Stupid snitch!!!
Tuesday November 14,
2017
Watch That Monitors Health
Tags #health, #wearable tech, #fitbit, #fitness, #monitor, #surveillance
Transcript
Boss: Our new product is a watch that monitors every aspect of your health. Wearing the watch is mandatory for all employees. Your data will automatically stream to our cloud storage. Voice: Because you care about our health? Boss: Sure. We'll go with that.
Thursday November 16,
2017
Work Until You Drop
Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #energy, #surveillance, #wearable tech, #dedication, #work ethic
Transcript
Boss: Your health tracker says you are leaving work at the end of each day with energy to spare. That's exactly like stealing from the company. Dilbert: You want me to work until I drop? Boss: I'm not allowed to say that directly.
Friday November 17,
2017
Ted Might Drop Dead
Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #heart attack, #diseases, #death, #prediction, #medical
Transcript
Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.
Saturday November 18,
2017
Let's Do The Meeting Later
Tags #fitbit, #health, #monitor, #wearable tech, #surveillance
Transcript
Dilbert: According to your employee health monitor, your lack of sleep last night is hampering your mental functions. Let's end the meeting and try again when your brain is working better. Man: I don't understand. Dilbert: That is consistent with the data.
Wednesday February 20,
2019
Adjust The Data
Tags #business ethics, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office, #research, #tests, #data
Transcript
Dilbert: The test data doesn't support our plan. Boss: We know our plan is brilliant, so just adjust the data to support it. Dilbert: You mean falsify the data. Boss: Let's not get hung up on the definition of things.
Friday March 15,
2019
Press Release
Tags #Dilbert, #boss, #unethical, #scientists, #press, #question, #overkill
Transcript
Dilbert: The unethical scientist we hired to support our product claims started today. Boss: Write a press release that says whatever we want him to say and put his name on it. Dilbert: Should we show it to him? Boss: That feels like overkill.
Saturday March 16,
2019
Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise
Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #boss, #conscience, #rethink, #quit, #raise, #going along, #don't, #ruin
Transcript
Dilbert: I can't in good conscience support inaccurate health claims about our products. I quit. Boss: I'll give you 20% raise if you stay. Wally: I quit too, because of all the ethnics and stuffs. Dilbert: Don't ruin this for me.