Search Results for "recommended option"
Share July 15, 1995's comic on:
The Boss tells Dilbert, "I want you to study our options for Project 'Zebra' and make a recommendation." Both the Boss and Dilbert think, "Translation: 'Read my mind then recommend the option I've already decided on.'" Dilbert answers, "I'll get right on it!" He thinks, "Translation: 'I am doomed. I will go look for naughty pictures on the Internet instead.'"
Share December 06, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "Your employees have recommended a vendor who has an attractive salesperson." Dogbert continues, "But the 'Dogbert Technology Company' can provide you with a hardware solution for HALF the cost!" The Boss says excitedly, "I'll save money!" The Boss asks, "What if I need to upgrade later? Is it expensive?" Dogbert replies, "I must have left that price sheet in my other fur."
Share July 28, 1991's comic on:
The sign over Dogbert's desk reads, "Dogbert's Find-A-Friend Service." A man says, "I'd like to find a friend." Dogbert says, "Have a seat." Dogbert says, "I need to ask a few questions, so I don't accidentally match you with somebody who's too good for you." Dogbert says, "One: When a friend doesn't return a borrowed tool, do you? a: Make sarcastic comments; b: buy a new tool; c: set a lethal trap." The man answers, "C: Set a lethal trap." Later, Dogbert reads the results of the test and says, "I'm afraid you haven't qualified for a normal friend . . . I could set you up with somebody who's new in town, but it wouldn't last." Dogbert says, "There's one option . . . Two, if you count growing sea monkeys." The man stands at Dilbert's door. Dilbert says, "Yes, I hate sea monkeys too. Who are you?"
Share May 19, 1996's comic on:
Tags #anti rust, #bald, #big field, #butterfly turned opera singer, #car dealer, #data compression, #dream analysts, #extended warranty, #new algorythm, #running against wind, #sealant, #serious money
Someone reaches for a door labeled "Dogbert's Dream Analysis." Dogbert and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "I was in a big field full of tofu and carburetors." Dogbert says, "It means you're a gullible moron. That's $25 please." A woman tells Dogbert, "Then I was running, running, running against the wind." Dogbert replies, "That means you're ugly." Wally tells Dogbert, "Then the butterfly turned into an opera singer." Dogbert says, "That means you're bald." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Suddenly I saw a new algorythm for data compression." Dogbert replies, "It means you're boring." The Boss tells Dogbert, "Then I told the car dealer I wanted the anti-rust sealant, the extended warranty and the lease option." The Boss asks, "What do you think it means?" Dogbert replies, "It means I'm going to make some serious money today."
Share September 05, 1996's comic on:
Asok says to Dogbert, "I have forgotten my password. I humbly beg for assistance." Dogbert replies angrily, "I have no time for boring administrative tasks, you fool! I'm busy upgrading the network!" Asok says, "You could have give me a new password in the time it took to belittle me." Dogbert replies, "Yes, but which option would give me job satisfaction?"
Share November 19, 1997's comic on:
Dogbert Research Co. Dogbert says, "You've all been carefully screened for this focus group." Dogbert continues, "Each of you has a pattern of making "Loser Choices." I'll tell my clients to do the opposite of whatever you recommend." One man says, "Fun! I'm glad I skipped jury duty to be here." THe woman next to him says, "I rescheduled my liver transplant!"
Share September 18, 1999's comic on:
The boss stands in Dilbert's cubicle. The boss says, "As you recommended, I canceled the software upgrade project." Dilbert says, "That's the exact opposite of what I recommended. You only hear what you want to hear." The boss says, "Yes, I do look thinner. It must be because of the sit-up I did yesterday."
Share December 16, 2004's comic on:
Tv stock analyst Do you own stock in the company you recommended? No, I used my blackberry ti dump my shares as soon as they spiked front my recommendation. This is very wrong now I'm using the profit to buy a helicopter.
Share July 13, 2006's comic on:
Dogbert the Lobbyist "For a million dollars I can have the government include your industrial waste in the recommended food pyramid." "For another million I'll have Congress authorize huge tax breaks for soulless, Blackberry-using weasels with coffee breath." "I just want to hug you!" "That's another million."