Search Results for "gift"
Share November 16, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert, Wally, and Asok are eating lunch. Asok says, "I plan to use my raise to move my home in the handicapped stall to a storage facility." Asok continues, "If you are trying to think of a housewarming gift, I wouldn't say no to a flashlight." Wally says, "If you need help moving, don't hesitate to call Alice." Asok replies, "You are too kind."
Share December 06, 2001's comic on:
Dilbert holds a gift. He says to a salesman, "Thank you, but I can only accept gifts under $25. How much is this?" The salesman replies, "$26." Dilbert hands the gift back to the salesman and says, "Well, thanks anyway." The salesman responds, "Rules are rules." Alice is holding the gift. She says, "You're a very nice for a salesperson. But how much is this worth?" The salesman replies slyly, "$26. Why?"
Share September 24, 2003's comic on:
Alice: "I got your three-page e-mail, and I brought you a gift." "It's a clump of blank space. You can use it to separate long, rambling, unrelated sentences." "Next week I'll introduce you to a little curvy thing that I call a comma."
Share December 21, 2003's comic on:
Carol: "I'm collecting money for miscellaneous gag gifts." "We've got upcoming birthdays, baby showers, retirements, promotions, blah, blah, blah." "I'm collecting all of the gag gift money in advance." "Then I'll take the bag of money and flush it down the toilet." "That will be the gag. It's funny because a toilet is involved." "So you can either give me $100 now or I'll be back twenty times at $5 a pop." "You can't resist the siren call of a more efficient process. Give it up, engineer-boy!" "Hello, sectional sofa!"
Share November 01, 2006's comic on:
"Wally, the marketing department requested your help." "Me?" "Our new product is worthless, much like yourself. They figured you'd have some insight." "All it does is occupy space and smell bad." "Well, it's definitely a gift item."
Share December 25, 2008's comic on:
Ratbert says, "The best things in life are free, so I got you this." Dilbert says, "This looks like trash from my garbage can." Ratbert says, "You're welcome." Ratbert says, "I only chewed on the delicious parts!" Dilbert says, "Spank you very much."
Share October 14, 2009's comic on:
the CEO and the senator Dogbert says ,"It wouldn't be legal for me to bribe you." Dogbert says, "So I hired your wife as a consultant despite the fact that she thinks 'Present value' is some sort of gift card." Dogbert says, "And I wrote some legislation for you because you're a lazy thief." Senator says, "Ha ha! Let's call that 'Access'."
Share December 06, 2009's comic on:
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Sales have been lagging" Dogbert says, "I want each of you to cold-call ten customers per day." Alice says, "We're engineers. We don't know how to sell." Dogbert says, "Just follow this script. It's guaranteed to close every sale." Dilbert says, "Hello. I'm calling on behalf of the police and firefighter's charity for unattractive youths." Dilbert says, "If you send us $500 we will send you a lovely piece of software as a thank you gift." Dilbert says, "Otherwisem when your house catches on fire, you might find yourself handcuffed to the refrigerator." Mom says, "Dilbert? Is that you?" Dilbert says, "Hi, mom. I'm in sales now."
Share December 24, 2009's comic on:
Share August 23, 2010's comic on:
Tina says, "We're having a baby shower for Kim on Friday." Dilbert says, "I barely know her." Tina says, "She's having triplets. Try to bring an appropriate gift for once." Kim says, "It's a? book on how to lower my carbon footprint?" Dilbert says, "You're killing us all."