Search Results for "maintenance agreement"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"In order to make an informed decision, you would need to know as much as I know." "That's impossible. So instead, by mutual, implied agreement, I will feed you some lies that point you to the right decision." "If we don't upgrade our servers, a herd of trolls will attack headquarters." "No trolls!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"When you worked here, you signed a non-compete agreement." "It clearly states that you are not allowed to earn money, sleep indoors, procreate or seek medical care." "Section 5B describes what you must now do with this ceremonial dagger."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2006's comic on:


Tags #plant maintenance, #contract, #save money, #adopt plant, #unluckiest plant, #coffee dregs

View Transcript

Transcript

"We canceled our plant maintenance contract to save money." "Each employee will adopt a nearby plant and water it." The Unluckiest Plant in the Whole World "Now when I pour my coffee dregs on you, it will look like work!" "Must...run..."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #court ordered, #email records, #deleted, #system mainentance, #wink wink, #flirting, #in on it, #scam

View Transcript

Transcript

Company Lawyer "The court ordered us to turn over all of our e-mail records." "Gosh, I sure hope they don't get deleted during regularly scheduled system maintenance." "Oh no. That would be bad! Wink! Wink!" "Good grief, man! How can you be flirting at a time like this?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2003's comic on:


Tags #tuesday, #need by tuesday, #agreement, #yelling now, #unreliable

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "I absolutely need your input by Tuesday." Ted: "Ok." Dilbert: "Considering that you're massively unreliable, I'd like to save time by yelling at you now." "YOU SAID YOU'D DO IT BY TUESDAY!!!" Ted: "Umm.. I was too busy."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2003's comic on:


Tags #price quote, #every expense, #alice side agreement, #hidden costs, #customer punch vendor, #freaking weasel

View Transcript

Transcript

"As you requested, this price quote includes absolutely every expense you'll incur!" "If that's true, you won't mind signing the 'Alice Side Agreement." "'In the event of hidden costs, customer will repeatedly punch vendor while telling 'you freaking weasel!'" "Pen?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2003's comic on:


Tags #budget, #engineers, #came prepared, #audio clips, #recording of voice

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is meeting with Tina. He reads a piece of paper and says, "Your budget is wrong. You forgot maintenance." Tina exclaims, "Why do you engineers always think you're right?!" Dilbert reaches for a device and says, "I anticipated your reaction and I came prepared." Dilbert holds the device in front of Tina's face and says, "Here's a list of every disagreement we've had." Dilbert taps on the device and says, "And here are the audio clips of the outcomes in your own voice." The device plays back a recording of Tina's voice, "You're right, Dilbert.. You're right... I guess you're right.. I'm wrong.. You're right... You're right." Tina reaches out her hand and says, "Let me see that for a second." Tina jumps on top of the table and smashes the device into pieces. She exhales, "Oo! Oo! Oo!" Dilbert thinks, "To an engineer, everyone looks like a chimp."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 02, 2002's comic on:


Tags #daring commando raid, #internet provider, #cancel, #phone or email, #service agreement, #stun gun, #overused joke

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is dressed in all purple, carrying a rope over his shoulder. He says to Dogbert, "Would you like to join me on a daring commando raid?" Dogbert replies, "Sure." Dilbert says, "Do you want to know why?" Dogbert responds, "Not really." Dilbert, Dogbert, and Bob the Dinosaur all have purple masks on. Dilbert says, "My internet provider won't let me cancel by phone or by e-mail." Dilbert continues, "The service agreement says I have to stage a daring commando raid on their headquarters." Bob asks, "Does this mask make me look fat?" Dogbert zaps Bob with a stun gun and says, "That joke is overused Bob." Bob falls over. Dogbert says to Dilbert, "The stun gun is in good working order." Dilbert and Dogbert are walking outside. Dilbert says, "Maybe I should carry the stun gun." Dogbert responds, "Don't worry, I'll do you last."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2002's comic on:


Tags #competitor, #better job, #employment agreement, #knowledge or skills, #crazy, #clamp, #suck, #took away, #verbal skills, #golf ball head

View Transcript

Transcript

An employee says to The Boss, "I quit. I got a better job with our competitor." The Boss responds, "Okay, but remember the employment agreement you signed." The Boss continues, "You agreed to not take away knowledge or skills you acquired at this job." The employee replies, "That's crazy. How can I stop knowing what I learned?" Catbert enters and says, "Come with me." There is a huge contraption with a suction cup. The employee looks up at it and asks, "Will this hurt?" Catbert responds, "I hope so." The machine clamps on the employee's head and makes the sounds, "Suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck." Catbert is working the controls. He says, "Ha ha!! I got your technical knowledge! And there go your verbal skills!" The employee has nothing left but a tiny ball for a head. He says, "Great. Now what do I do?" Catbert responds, "I'd stay away from the golf course."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2000's comic on:


Tags #plan, #agreement, #happy, #cheers, #inspiring

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally and Alice, "...And that's the plan." Wally yells, "Yippee!" Alice screams, "Woo-ha!!" The Boss thinks to himself, "I'm very inspiring lately." As Alice and Wally walk away, Alice says to Wally "How did people survive meetings before these things?" Wally replies, "Webvlan split!"