Search Results for "never ask"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #twitter, #social media, #tweet, #communication, #troll, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I finally signed up for Twitter. Sending my first tweet. Uh-oh. What the??? It seems I have opened some sort of portal to Hell. Demons are streaming through the portal!!! I have never seen such horrible thoughts! Gaaaa!!! Dilbert: How was your first day on Twitter? Carol: I'm already addicted to it.

What Classes To Be An Engineer

Thank you for voting.
What Classes To Be An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2018's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #insult, #Advice, #logic, #engineer, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: What kinds of classes should I take to become an engineer? Alice: Start by taking whatever kind of class makes you fifty percent smarter. Man: Then what? Alice: Then you won't need to ask me what to do next.

Can't Remember Wally's Project

Thank you for voting.
Can't Remember Wally's Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2018's comic on:


Tags #language, #jargon, #obliviousness, #bluff, #managers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't remember what project you're working on. Wally: I'm integrating parallel platforms for load balancing across incremental networks. Boss: Keep doing that. I can never tell when I'm having a good day.

Contractor Wants To Be Employee

Thank you for voting.
Contractor Wants To Be Employee - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #negotiation, #contract work, #contractor, #pay.wages

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I've been a contractor here for over a year. Maybe you should just hire me. Boss: Who are you? I didn't even know I was paying you. Man: Perhaps we can pretend this conversation never happened. Boss: That feels like the best option.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 2018's comic on:


Tags #argument, #arguing, #accusation, #social media, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Why did you say we don't have a budget for our project? Dilbert: I never said that. Man: Then why did you say the project isn't feasible? Dilbert: I never said anything like that. Man: But you did say you thought it would take ten years to finish? Dilbert: I've never said anything like that. Man: Hahaha! You're in total meltdown mode now. Dilbert: I already forgot what we were talking about. Boss: How was your talk with Dilbert? Man: He's backpedaling after I totally owned him.

No Path To Victory

Thank you for voting.
No Path To Victory - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 30, 2018's comic on:


Tags #catch-22, #laziness, #request

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: Do you have a minute? Wally: Can I get back to you? Woman: If I say yes, I will never hear from you. But if I say no, I'll look like a pushy jerk. I don't see a path to victory here. Wally: Have you tried lowering your expectations?

Hard Work Is The Key To Success

Thank you for voting.
Hard Work Is The Key To Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #manager, #self-interest, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: What is the key to success? Boss: Hard work! Asok: Is it a coincidence that your advice for me corresponds to your self-interest? Boss: My other advice is never question authority.

Asking Successful People For Advice

Thank you for voting.
Asking Successful People For Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2018's comic on:


Tags #success, #Advice, #ambition

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Every time I ask a successful person for career advice, I get a different answer. Carol: My plan for success is to lull my boss into a fatal accident and take over his identity. Asok: I'm not asking unsuccessful people for advice. Carol: Is that how you talk to your future boss?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #productivity, #progress, #project, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

We Are Family

Thank you for voting.
We Are Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2018's comic on:


Tags #business, #Family, #relationships, #parents, #leadership

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I think of all of you as family. Wally: That's dumb. Boss: You'll never amount to anything. Wally: Mommy?