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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2013's comic on:


Tags #paying bills, #trees, #off site document, #storage costs, #out of control, #core bsuiness, #trees are jerks, #money

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Boss: Our off-site document storage costs are growing out of control. At this rate, our core business can be summarized as "put trees in jail." This is when you say something wise and helpful. CEO: Trees are jerks.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cancel service, #deception, #dogcart document, #garbage trucks, #service business, #storage

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Boss: We've been using The Dogbert Offsite Document Storage Service for five years, and frankly, I'm concerned. Your service trucks look suspiciously like garbage trucks. I would cancel your service if I could find the contract. Dogbert: It's in "storage."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2013's comic on:


Tags #access, #apprval, #blocked website, #cip, #director of hr, #hostiliy, #mean, #threat

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This website has been blocked by your company. Dilbert: Mordac, I need access to a blocked site for business reasons, Mordac: I can only unblock the site if the director of human resources sends me a written approval. Catbert: I can only make recommendations, Our Cis still has to approve it. Chief Information Officer How dare you bother me with your trivial website problem! Carol back into your hole and think about the career mistake you just made! Dilbert: Can we kip the part where you ask me what I accomplished this week?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #cubicle, #in box, #neat cubicle, #document, #on chair, #desk chair

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Alice: Gaaa!!! Every time I leave my cubicle, someone puts a document on my chair! I have an in-ox! Stop leaving stuff in my chair!!! Dilbert: How do you keep your cubicle so neat? Wally: I put everything on Alice's chair.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 2012's comic on:


Tags #wages, #compensation, #achieving goals, #debating, #money

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Boss: Your compensation will be based on achieving these goals. Dilbert: Awesome. It's like written permission to ignore everything else you ask me to do. Boss: It's not like that at all. Dilbert: Get back to me when you finish debating yourself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2012's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #office workers, #new intern, #treated pooryly, #perpetuate cycle, #abuse, #feisty, #name

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Asok: This is my new intern. I haven't bothered to name him yet. I've been treated poorly as an intern, and I'm anxious to perpetuate the cycle of abuse. Man: I have a name! Carol: He's feisty. I like that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #embarrass your compnay, #etiquette & ethics, #local debauchery, #personal behavior, #pollute ground water, #pollution, #reflect poorly, #elbonia

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Wally: Where can I go to enjoy some of the local debauchery? Elbonian: Aren't you worried that your personal behavior will reflect poorly on your company? Wally: How can I embarrass a company that plans to pollute your groundwater? Elbonian: Say what? Wally in Elbonia

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #money, #budget, #last year objectives, #huge loss, #bottomline, #punish siuccess, #startegy, #management

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Boss: We've been asked to cut our budget by 30%. Dilbert: That doesn't make sense. We met all of our objectives last year. Boss: A different part of our company had a huge loss. Dilbert: Shouldn't you cut their budget, not ours? Boss: Their budget isn't big enough to make a difference to the bottom line. Dilbert: So our strategy is to punish success, and reward failure? Boss: Just do your job and leave the strategy to management. Dilbert: Hypothetically, if I do my job poorly, would that be good or bad for me?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #how-to, #great leader, #book, #errors in book, #disgruntled underling, #existence, #break room

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Boss: I read a book about how to be a great leader, and realized I don't do any of those things. I'm surprised a book with so many errors could get published. It must have been written by a disgruntled underling. Wally: Do those exist?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #editors, #document, #bad edits, #wrong religion, #fool

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Coworker: I made some edits to your document. Dilbert: These edits are so bad that my only choices are to send it out and make a fool of myself or insult your alleged intelligence. Coworker: Please let it be the first choice. Dilbert: I hope you didn't pick the wrong religion too.