Search Results for "shared leadership"

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Boss Freestyles With Jargon

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Boss Freestyles With Jargon - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #language, #jargon, #managers, #leadership, #nonsense, #gibberish

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Boss: I forgot to make an agenda for this meeting, so I'll just freestyle it with jargon. Let's do a deep dive in the big data and drill down until we hyperlocalize some disruptive technologies. That's enough leadership. Now the rest of you need something to do.

Wally The Thought Leader

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Wally The Thought Leader - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #title, #leadership, #work ethic, #laziness, #strategy, #ruse

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Man: Wally, can you help me... Wally: Whoa! Stop right there. I'm a thought leader, not some wage slave. Man: What do thought leaders do? Wally: You're watching it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2016's comic on:


Tags #expectations, #unrealistic, #project, #group, #laziness, #prediction

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Boss: When do you expect to finish your project? Dilbert: Never. Boss: That's your plan? Dilbert: No, my plan is to be done in a week. You asked me what I expect. I base my expectations on the quality of people you assigned to my project without asking my opinion. The time-wasters outnumber the productive people on the team by three to one. Under that scenario, plus your total lack of leadership, the world will end before this project does. Boss: Then why is your plan to be done in a week? Dilbert: Because you don't like it when I tell the truth. Boss: Let's compromise on two weeks. Dilbert: Can we set those two weeks on auto-renew?

Something About Asok Was Wrong

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Something About Asok Was Wrong - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #terrorism, #terrorist, #radicalization, #leadership, #managers, #frustration, #humor

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Boss: Where's Asok? Dilbert: The FBI took him on suspicion of being a terrorist. Boss: Now that you mention it, something about him was wrong. Dilbert: Was it his boss? Boss: Was that a joke? Dilbert: I'm not sure. I don't have a sense of humor, either.

Fbi Has Been Tracking Asok

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Fbi Has Been Tracking Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #terrorism, #terrorist, #radicalization, #extremism, #frustration, #manager, #leader, #fbi

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Man: We've been tracking an accused terrorist named Asok. We believe he was radicalized here. Woman: What did you do to him? Boss: Leadership? Man: Yup. That's the top cause.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #logic, #reasoning, #managing, #managers, #leadership, #quality, #absurd

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Dilbert: You assigned a pack of idiots to my project team. Boss: We can't afford to hire good people. Dilbert: How am I supposed to create world-class products with a team of disruptive idiots? Boss: Try working extra hard. Dilbert: You want us to be more energetic about our bad decisions? Boss: You also have to put in the hours. Dilbert: Are you saying bad decisions, plus long hours, plus lots of enthusiasm, produces great engineering? Boss: Not if you stand around yacking about it all day.

Hire Smarter People

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Hire Smarter People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2015's comic on:


Tags #leadership, #success, #insult, #power, #compliment, #backhanded compliment, #ego, #humility, #humble

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CEO: The secret to my success is that I hire people who are smarter than me. And then I tell those smart people exactly what to do. It keeps you humble. Dilbert: Good, because all of this was starting to go to my head.

Sense Of Awe

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Sense Of Awe - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #management, #executives, #leader, #leadership, #overwork, #work ethic, #motivation

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Catbert: A good leader creates a sense of awe in employees. But I think you'll find it a lot faster to create a sense of "ow" instead. CEO: I need you to work all weekend again. Dilbert: Ow!

Useful Meetings

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Useful Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2015's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #meetings, #productivity, #leadership, #business

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Boss: I need you to come to a meeting now. Dilbert: Can I do something useful instead? Boss: The meeting will be useful. Dilbert: More useful than what I'm doing? Boss: How would I know? Dilbert: Is all leadership random or just yours?

El Gato Leadership

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El Gato Leadership - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2015's comic on:


Tags #kissing up, #brown nosing, #delegate, #wisdom, #idiocy, #leadership

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CEO: Remember, intern, you can't spell delegate without some of the letters of "El Gato." Asok: Your saying is ridiculous and yet I find it compelling because it came from a leader. CEO: No, it is I who have learned the most from your ignorance. Asok: That is so wise!