Closest Things Comic Strips - Page 3
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426 Results for Closest Things
View 21 - 30 results for closest things comic strips. Discover the best "Closest Things" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday April 26,
2001
Tags #downsized, #job functions, #unimportant things, #outsourced
Transcript
The boss approaches Dilbert and says, "I downsized Ted and outsourced his important job functions." The boss continues, "I'd like you to do all of his unimportant job functions." Dilbert asks, "Why do we do unimportant things?" The boss says, "Because we can!"
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Thursday June 14,
2001
Tags #new things to say, #fill airtime, #let other people talk
Transcript
Dilbert and Wally stand having coffee. Wally says, "I'm running out of new things to say." Wally continues, "I'll have to start repeating myself just to fill the airtime." Dilbert replies, "You could let other people talk." Wally continues, "So, anyway, I'm running out of new things to say."
Monday May 06,
2002
Tags #minutes, #meeting, #read minutes, #irrelevant things said, #men are idiots, #bad descions, #implied, #business
Transcript
In a meeting, The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, would you read the minutes from our last meeting?" Alice reads, "People said irrelevant things. Bad decisions were made. Men are idiots." The Boss responds, "I don't remember that last part." Alice says, "It was implied." Wally is asleep.
Thursday July 31,
2003
Tags #criticize things, #dont understnd, #kyoto treaty, #flat tax, #unfair, #stem cells
Transcript
Dogbert: I've decided to spend more time criticizing things I don't understand. I say we should flat-tax the kyoto treaty all the way back to the security council, Dilbert: wouldn't that be unfair to stem cells? Dogbert: Bah!
Monday August 23,
2004
Tags #meeting, #team assignments, #mprotant things, #ruined meeting, #clueless nimrods, #business
Transcript
The Boss: "Alice, I've been told that you ignore your team's assignments and work on things that aren't your job." Alice: "That's true. I do important things instead of useless things assigned by clueless nimrods." The Boss: "You totally ruined this meeting."
Thursday March 10,
2005
Tags #things that don't kill, #great minds, #think alike, #spilt milk, #different findings
Transcript
Wally: "Have you ever noticed that the things that don't kill you make you weaker?" "And great minds don't think alike. If they did, the patent office would only have about fifty inventions." "I started getting suspicious when I cried over spilt milk and the cashier took it off my bill"
Thursday July 21,
2005
Tags #elbonia bid, #nuclear war head, #plans, #internet, #few things modified, #ginat toaster, #enriched bread, #technology
Transcript
"We won the Elbonia bid, but I had to promise we'd give them plans to build a nuclear warhead." "Don't worry. I got the plans off the Internet and I modified a few things." "Now all we need is some highly enriched bread."
Wednesday July 27,
2005
Tags #forgetting things, #hospital, #odctors, #exam room, #monkeys brain, #replace brain, #medical
Transcript
"I keep forgetting where I put things." "The problem is that you're stupid." "I recommend replacing your brain with a monkey brain." "Will that help?" "No, I just hate monkeys."
Saturday August 06,
2005
Tags #comapny, #sells defective prodcuts, #karma, #bed doodle, #wandered, #bad things, #they deserve it
Transcript
Dilbert: "Sometimes I feel guilty because my company sells defective products." DOgbert: "I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day and I assume they deserve it." Dilbert: "By the way, where are we?" Dogbert: "I think we wandered into a bad doodle."
Sunday July 30,
2000
Tags #candidate for engineering, #resume, #invented e-commerce, #hire now, #team that invented, #teach paul, #to invent things
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Help me interview a candidate for engineering." The Boss says to Dilbert, "I think he's terrific!" Dilbert thinks to himself, "Uh-oh." During the interview, Dilbert says to the candidate, "According to your resume, Paul, you invented e-commerce." The Boss says, "Wow!" The Boss then exclaims, "I'm going to hire him right now!" Dilbert replies, "Hold on." Dilbert says to Paul, "Paul, you didn't really invent e-commerce, did you?" Paul ansers, "Well..." Paul continues, "Maybe I was...um...part of the team that invented it." Dilbert, now agitated, yells "No one invented e-commerce!" The Boss, completely oblivious to all that 's been said asks Paul, "When can you start?" Dilbert asks the Boss, "Why am I here?" The Boss responds, "Maybe Paul can teach you how to invent things."