Computer Help Comic Strips - Page 3
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Boss: How's your quantum computer prototype coming along? Wally: Great! The project exists in a simultaneous state of being both totally successful and not even started. Boss: Can I observe it? Wally: That's a tricky question.
Dilbert stands in a computer retail store. A boy with long hair says, "Welcome to Electrode Hut. I'm half your age, and I know more about electronics than you ever will. May I help you?" Dilbert replies, "Yes. I would like a half-dozen niad pulse converters and an anza brush." Dilbert asks, "Or am I bluffing?" The clerk wrings his hands and thinks, "This guy is GOOD."
Dilbert sits at his desk and says, "Wow! According to my computer simulation, it should be possible to create new life forms from common household chemicals!" Dogbert says, "This raises some thorny issues." Dilbert asks, "You mean legal, ethical and religious issues?" Dogbert replies, "I was thinking about parking spaces."
Dogbert stands on a desk chair typing. Dilbert looks over his shoulder and asks, "What are you writing?" Dogbert replies, "It's my new self-help book for compulsive shoppers." Dilbert asks, "What do YOU know about compulsive shoppers?" Dogbert replies, "I know they buy a lot of books."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, who is sitting next to him, "I've designed this program to generate the most effective pick-up line in the universe." Dilbert continues, "Ha ha! Women will be helpless when they hear my clever opener. . . . And the line is . . ." Dilbert reads on the screen, "Hi. I'm Mel Gibson. Did you see a dingo dog go by here with my shirt?" Dogbert says, "Kiss me, you wicked savage."
Dilbert sits at a desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "There . . . I've plotted Jenny Dworkin's normal speed, habits and tendencies into my computer." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Now I'll be able to predict her location and bump into her as if by chance." Dogbert asks, "Why don't you just call her, say you like her and ask her out?" Dilbert replies, "No. That would seem too contrived."
Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer and Dogbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "My computer has determined the funniest words in the world . . ." Dilbert continues, "They include: chainsaw, weasel, prune and any reference to 'Gilligan's Island.' Now I can make my own jokes!" Dilbert says to Dogbert, ". . . So then the skipper gets attacked by this prune-eating weasel with a chainsaw . . ." Dogbert laughs.
Dilbert holds a can of furniture polish and a polishing cloth. Dogbert says, "Doing a little cleaning? Let me give you a hand . . ." Dogbert looks at his paws and says, "Wait . . . I can't lend a hand; all I have are these little paws." Dilbert says, "You'd make a good lawyer." Dogbert says as he walks away, "Charming . . . I offer to help and he insults me."
Dilbert arrives at home and tells Dogbert, "My trip to Elbonia was a complete success." Dilbert continues, "I opened our subsidiary, taught capitalism to the locals and showed them how to make computer chips out of sand." Dogbert replies, "Oh great . . . Now they will become an industrial giant and compete against us." Dilbert says, "Don't worry. I also taught them our management techniques."
Dilbert sits at a desk working on his computer while Dawn and Bob the Dinosaurs watch. Dilbert says, "You dinosaurs have probably never seen a computer." Dilbert continues, "This makes me so efficient I can save hours every day." Bob asks, "What do you do with all the spare time?" Dilbert replies, "I work on the computer." Bob says, "Wow! Then you can save even more time!"