Reality Comic Strips - Page 3
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Character
90 Results for Reality
View 21 - 30 results for reality comic strips. Discover the best "Reality" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday September 23,
2010
Tags pitchman, new product, salesman, block of wood, machine, rays, reality distortion, stand on stool, consumers
Transcript
Dogbert the Pitchman Dogbert says, "Fire up the reality distortion field as soon as I'm introduced." Dogbert says, "Our product is nothing but a block of wood, and yet you need three of them." Man says, "I am a creative individual who does as he is told." Man 2 says, "I can't feel my arm!"
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Sunday May 16,
2004
Tags celebrity business plan, commit crime, hire lawyer, reality tv show, gain weight, tabloids, spokesperson, weight loss product, write children book, rehab, addicted to painkillers, plan, future plans, goals, sensationalism
Transcript
Dogbert: "Would you review my celebrity business plan?" Dilbert: "Sure." Dogbert: "First, I'll commit a sensational crime that the media can't ignore." "Then I'll hire celebrity lawyer, Johnny 'Red' Galipigos to help me beat the rap." "I'll use my fame to land a part on a reality tv show where I will win by cheating." "Then I'll gain a massive amount of the weight so the tabloids will fixate on me." "Burp" "Then I'll become a spokesperson for a weight loss product." "It works!" "Lastly, I'll write children's books." Dilbert: "What about rehab?" "Good catch. I totally forgot the part where I get addicted to pain killers." Dilbert: "Otherwise it looks good."
Sunday November 26,
2000
Tags pet project, isn't feasible, working numebrs, underlying reality, massaged the numbers, working, numbers, impossiblepossible, new numbers, other ideas, fiddle with numbers
Transcript
Dilbert, putting a paper on The Boss' desk, says to The Boss, "My analysis shows that your pet project isn't feasible." The Boss says to Dilbert, "Try working the numbers." Dilbert says, "That wouldn't change the underlying reality." The Boss asks, "What if we massaged the numbers?" Dilbert says, "Massaging the numbers means the same thing as working the numbers." Dilbert says to The Boss, "You can't make the impossible possible by hallucinating new numbers." Dilbert asks The Boss, "Do you have any other ideas?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "That depends on the the phrase 'fiddle with the numbers' means."
Monday June 10,
2013
Tags apathy, gadgets, vision / eye care, wally glasses, google glasses, enhance reality
Transcript
Dogbert: I invented "Wally Glasses" to compete with Google's glasses. Google's glasses enhance reality, whereas Wally glasses make reality look like it isn't worth the effort. Dogbert: Let me know if they kill you.
Monday June 17,
2013
Tags computers & peripherals, inventions, space flight, experiment, reality, computer program, created by aliens, science
Transcript
Dilbert: My experiment proves our reality is a computer program created by aliens. What kind of jerks would yank us around like this? Alien Dilbert: Well, that was gonna happen... Meanwhile on Planet Epsilon-9...
Wednesday April 12,
2017
Dilbert Red Pills Asok
Tags jargon, language, nonsense, productivity, illusion, alternate reality
Transcript
Dilbert: Nothing in this dimension is real. Asok: Double-click on that. Dilbert: The jargon matrix is where people imagine they are being useful. But in reality, they are sitting in a chair doing nothing. Asok: I just made a ten-year technology plan.
Monday July 31,
2017
Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations
Tags reality, simulation, aliens, alternate universe, perception
Transcript
News: Scientists confirmed that our reality is actually a software simulation created by an advanced civilization. Dilbert: That makes no sense unless the advanced civilization is a bunch of psychopaths who like to see us suffer. Catbert1: One of the idiots in our simulation is insulting us. Catbert2: I'm going to break his phone screen.
Friday September 14,
2018
Virtual Reality
Tags Dilbert, Wally, days, virtual, trained, hospital, designer, bed, lazy
Transcript
Dilbert: After spending three great days in virtual reality, I accidentally trained myself to hate actual reality. Wally: What if this reality is actually another virtual reality, and you're really in a hospital bed somewhere? Dilbert: What kind of designer would make a reality with you in it? Wally: A lazy one.
Friday April 26,
2019
Objective Reality
Tags business, office, office workers, mit, deliverables
Transcript
the boss: wally, can you explain why your deliverables are late? wally: an experiment at kit suggests there is no objective reality, so maybe i wasn't late. the boss: i don't know how to respond to that. wally: try smiling and nodding. maybe toss in an "oh."
Wednesday October 02,
2019
Parody Inversion Point
Tags government, sarcasm, parody, business, inversion, reality, absurd
Transcript
dilbert: according to my algorithm, we are heading toward a parody inversion point. that happens when reality becomes so absurd that it is indistinguishable from parody. dogbert: maybe the government can fix that dilbert alarmed: gaaa! i can't tell if you're serious!

