Worst Division Comic Strips - Page 3

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121 Results for Worst Division

View 21 - 30 results for worst division comic strips. Discover the best "Worst Division" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accounting trolls, #profits, #worst case scenario

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Headline: Accounting Trolls. The Boss hands a troll a document and asks, "What would happen to our profits if we wrote off these bone-headed mistakes?" The troll's head explodes, "Pow!" The Boss asks, "And how about the worst-case scenario?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nemesis, #pointy haired, #software division, #report to boss, #no difference, #harware, #software, #engineering

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"This is my nemesis, pointy-haired Carl. He manages our software division." "Write up some reasons why he should report to me. I'll secretly give it to our Vice President." "Start by saying there's no real difference between hardware and software." "I'm unclean!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #opyomotrist, #nears sighted visonaries, #nerve expect worst, #charge price

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I've decided to become an optometrist for near-sighted visionaries. "They're ideal customers because they never expect the worst." "Which price am I most likely to charge you?" "The low one!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #best, #hire back, #not old job, #sales, #train you to lie, #worst, #desparate, #take anything, #need money, #job, #take advantage of, #business

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Catbert says to Dilbert, "We can hire you back but not at your old job." Dilbert responds, "That's okay. I'll do anything but sales. I would be the worst salesperson on Earth." Catbert says, "It's sales." Dilbert replies, "Did I just say worst when I meant best?" Catbert responds, "We'll have to train you to lie better."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stressful project, #worst thing, #pep talk, #jumped window, #imprint on window screen

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Wally: "Alice, I hear that your project is stressful." "Sometimes it helps if you ask yourself: what's the worst thing that could happen?" Dilbert: "How'd the pep talk go?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new marketing camoaign, #no budget, #brave enough, #bold project, #worst job, #hiding

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The Boss: "We need a new marketing campaign but we have no budget for it whatsoever." "Who among is is brave enough to lead such a risky project?" "Okay, you're doing the worst job of hiding under the table."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bungee jump, #ceo, #dogcart consults, #reckless adventurer, #volcano, #worst performer

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Dogbert Consults "Your CEO is the worst performer in the entire Fortune 500." "Your best bet is to convince him to become a reckless adventurer." "Tell me again why I'd want to bungee jump into an active volcano?" "Because you can!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #carol, #worst secretary, #fired, #involuntary termination form 904-b, #fill out form

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"Carol, you're the worst secretary ever. I have to let you go." "You can't fire me until you fill out the Involuntary Termination Form 904-B." "Can you get me one of those?" "Yeah. I'll get right on that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #plan, #transfer, #missile guidance engineering division, #pour coffee, #face front, #unimportant tasks, #destroy, #fishing village, #lazy

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Wally says, "I asked for a transfer to our missile guidance engineering division." Wally says, "Once they get to know me, they'll only give me unimportant tasks so I won't accidentally destroy a fishing village." Wally says, "The great thing about unimportant tasks is that no one really cares if you do them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #engineer, #worst user interface, #click, #sell social security number, #overhead view of cubicle, #technology, #engineering

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Dilber thinks, "The world's greatest engineer prepares to do battle with the world's worst user interface." Dilbert thinks, "I hope that did something." Computer says, "Your social security number has been sold."