Writing Systems Comic Strips - Page 3
168 Results for Writing Systems
View 21 - 30 results for writing systems comic strips. Discover the best "Writing Systems" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share February 21, 1996's comic on:
Alice says to Dilbert, "I heard that our software development work has been moved to the tiny nation of Elbonia." Dilbert responds, "Things can't get worse than that." The Boss approaches Dilbert and says, "Dilbert, you're in charge of integrating the Elbonian's software with our existing systems." Dilbert looks stunned. Dilbert says to Alice, "Okay, NOW it can't get any worse." The Boss adds, "You might want to get a tuberculosis vaccination."
Share June 02, 1997's comic on:
Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table with man who has a beard and is wearing suspenders. The man says, "I put together some guiding principles for our network architecture." Alice says, "I sure hope this isn't a bunch of obvious ideas disguised with techno-jargon and unclear writing." Dilbert whispers, "Let the games begin." Alice says to the man, "So tell me, do suspenders cause muddled thinking or is it the other way around?"
Share June 26, 1997's comic on:
Dogbert stands at a desk typing. He tells Dilbert, "I'm writing a book that debunks the effectiveness of business consultants." Dilbert says, "But common sense would say that you're being a consultant yourself, so your opinion is logically flawed." Dilbert says, "Only people with no common sense will buy your book." Dogbert replies, "I prefer to call them the mass market."
Share August 28, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dilbert eats potato chips. Dogbert announces, "I'm going back to my old job as a network systems administrator." Dilbert asks, "Why?" Dilbert offers Dogbert some chips as Dogbert says, "I'm attracted by the potential for reckless abuse of power." Asok the Intern sits at his computer and looks at Dogbert who is waving an ethernet card at him. Dogbert says, "This new ethernet card could solve your problems. Would you like a sniff before I throw it in a big pile in my office?"
Share September 08, 1996's comic on:
The Boss says to Tina the Tech Writer, "Tina, we need a few minor edits on our product brochure." Tina sits at her desk and thinks, "Minor? Uh-oh . . ." The Boss continues, "We've discovered that our product causes hallucinations and sterility." The Boss continues, "See if you can put a positive spin on that." Tina thinks, "This will be my greatest writing challenge yet." Tina types, "Are you tired of the same old sights? We've got you covered." Tina types, ". . . Makes a great gift for those people who - in your opinion - should not reproduce." Tina thinks, "Ooh . . . I feel a tiny pang of conscience. That's one." Dilbert asks, "So the brochure was only a three-panger?" Tina replies, "Yeah, and I think I faked the third one."
Share March 08, 1998's comic on:
The Boss sits at his desk. He says, "Tina, we need to set measurable objectives for you." Tina responds, "I'm a technical writer. How can you measure good writing?" The Boss says, "Everything is measurable is you try hard enough." Tina asks, "Is that your well-measured opinion?" She continues, "Or is it the dogmatic babbling of a manager in total cognitive surrender?" The Boss comes back with, "For example, we could measure the number of words you type." He adds, "We'll have to subtract words you delete. That way we won't motivate the wrong behavior." Tina is now at her desk, typing. She has written, "In this edition of Tina's hourly newsletter, I compare our projects to various types of wood."
Share July 02, 2001's comic on:
Wally and Dilbert sit in the breakroom eating lunch with a co-worker. The co-worker says, "I spend all day writing code for another company while it looks like I'm doing my job here." The co-worker pauses from eating a sandwich and says, "Crime pays, and it also has an excellent benefits package." Wally looks at his co-worker and says, "Are you eating my sandwich?" The co-worker answers, "I'm saving mine for dinner."
Share September 01, 2001's comic on:
Wally says to The Boss, "I'd like to make a gradual shift out of engineering and into something more administrative." Wally continues, "For example, I could write reports that tell other people how to do their jobs better." Wally concludes, "Then I could gradually shift out of writing reports and into something more vegetative."
Share September 30, 2002's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert, "Dilbert, I want you to integrate our sales database with our inventory and finance systems." The Boss continues, "The managers of those systems are a nitwit, an ogre, and a $#!&% respectively." The Boss continues, "And they know that two of them will be fired when it's complete." Dilbert responds, "I can get that done in thirty years."
Share January 11, 2003's comic on:
Extreme Programming. Wally and Dilbert are sitting at one computer. The Boss approaches and says, "The two of you will be a code-writing team." The Boss continues, "Studies prove that two programmers on one computer is the most productive arrangement." Dilbert types with a furrowed brow. Wally says, "Sometimes I can whistle through both nostrils. I've saved a fortune in harmonicas."