Agree To Relocate Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

84 Results for Agree To Relocate

View 21 - 30 results for agree to relocate comic strips. Discover the best "Agree To Relocate" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #share hotel rooms, #conference, #roomie, #agree to rules, #spoon on right, #sleep together, #buddies, #new rules, #cheap company

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert standing next to Wally, who's sitting at his computer terminal. Dilbert says, "Wally, as you know, employees must share hotel rooms at the conference..." Dilbert continues, "So I was wondering if you'd like to...you know...be my roomie." Wally responds, "Sure." Dilbert says, "We'll have to agree on some rules." Wally replies, "I can only spoon on my right."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annual inspirational talk, #work hard, #competition, #feel afraid, #quality of lives, #too afraid, #management incompetetnce

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands in casual clothes and says, "It's time for my annual inspirational talk." The Boss says, "We must work twice as hard, or the competition will crush us!" Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in front of the Boss as he continues, "I want you to feel afraid twenty-four hours a day." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: wouldn't hat lower the quality of our lives?" Wally says, "Seems like it might." Wally continues, "I'm too afraid to work here now. I wonder if our competitor's are hiring?" Alice raises her hand and asks, "Question: should we continue to be afraid of our own management's incompetence?" The Boss replies, "Let's compromise. I'll agree to cut the meeting short if you'll all agree to feel worse in some way." The Boss leaves the meeting and thinks, "No I remember why I only inspire them once a year."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bog stubborn, #dumb guy, #contract employees, #email, #bulletin list, #incremental cost, #agree with me, #our lives

View Transcript

Transcript

Caption: "Big stubborn guy" Dan says, "We should remove the contract employees from our e-mail bulletin list." Dilbert says, "Um.. they need that information to do thier jobs, and there's no incremental cost." Dilbert says, "This is when you agree with me and we move on eith our lives." Dan says, "I will fight you to the end of the earth!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #judy, #missing days, #judy isn't here, #morale is higher, #coughing, #certificate

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss is standing drawing his arm in the direction of Judy, who is standing beside him. The boss says, "The attendance award goes to Judy for missing the most days." As the employees sit and applaud, the boss says, "I think we all agree that morale is higher when Judy isn't here." The boss hands Judy a certificate and says, "We took turns coughing on the certificate."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employees, #sophie, #engineer, #incompetent husband, #agree to relocate, #talent, #addition, #squirrel heads, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss pokes his head into Dilbert's cubicle and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, come meet the two new employees." The boss introduces Dilbert to the new employee and they both extend their hands to shake. The boss says: "This is Sophie, one of the best engineers in the business." Dilbert thinks: "the drawing of a heart" The boss points to the other new employee and says: "The other one is her imcompetent husband." The boss stands between the two new employess and says: "We had to hire him so Sophie would agree to relocate." The husband says to the boss: "Are you saying I didn't get hired for my talent." Sophie says to her husband: "You don't have any talent, honey" The husband answers: "Oh, that's right." The boss stands with his back to the husband and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, your job is to do his job in addition to your own." Dilbert is sitting at his computer with Sophie's husband to his side. The husband says: "Do you want to see my collection of squirrel heads?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #agree who's fault, #meeting, #Men, #so mature, #trip victory lap, #won meeting, #your fault, #delays, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally watches as Asok the Intern says to a male co-worker, "... And so you agree that the delays are your fault?" The co-worker says, "Yeh." The co-worker and Wally watch as, throwing his arms up in the air in jubilation, Asok exclaims, "I won the meeting!!" Asok's clothing and hair are askew and his eye is closed shut as he says, "Only a sore loser would trip someone on his victory lap." Wally says, "He is so-o-o immature."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appear smarter, #less is more, #sound more wise, #agreements

View Transcript

Transcript

The new employee says to Dilbert, "I've learned to appear smarter than I am." The new employee continues, "I agree with whatever people say then I reword it to sound more wise." Dilbert responds, "Please leave my cubicle." The new employee replies, "Because sometimes less is more!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineering decison, #project, #need to act, #fiber capacity, #serial input, #meeting, #communication problems, #table, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "I needed to make an engineering decision about your project this morning." The Boss continues, "You'll need to act like you agree with it so I don't look stupid." Dilbert is at a meeting. A coworker turns to Dilbert and says, "Explain to us how fiber capacity can be increased by serial input at breakfast."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the master, #overworked, #carefree, #powerful secret, #volunteer, #many tasks, #complaints later, #gandhi that eats, #dont recall, #agree

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally is asleep in his cubicle. Asok enters and says, "Wally, I need advice from the master." Wally wakes up and says, "Huh?" Asok says, "How do you remain so carefree while everyone else seems so overworked?" Wally replies, "Asok, you are ready to learn my most powerful secret." Wally continues, "Always volunteer to do lots of tasks. That will make you appear very busy." Wally continues, "Later, when someone complains that you didn't do a task..." Wally continues, "Say you remember discussing the topic but you don't recall agreeing to do anything." Wally continues, "Offer a glimmer of hope that you might yet do the task if no one yells at you... Then repeat." Asok replies, "Wow." Asok walks away and thinks, "He's like a Gandhi that eats."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #communication, #integrity, #teamwork, #pyramid pillars, #team memeber idiots, #honest opinion, #team player, #agree bad ideas, #two legged stool

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss points to a slide and says, "The three pillars of our pyramid are communication, integrity, and teamwork." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Since when do pyramids have pillars?" The Boss responds, "Answer: Shut up." Alice raises her hand and says, "Problem: All of my team members are idiots." Alice continues, "If I communicate my honest opinion of their ideas, I won't be a team player." Alice continues, "But if I pretend to agree with their bad ideas, I won't have integrity." Alice continues, "So instead of being a pyramid, can I be a two-legged stool like you?" Dilbert turns to Alice and says, "Wow! That was much better than my pillar question." Wally asks Alice, "Aren't I on your team?"