Assistant Comic Strips - Page 3

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32 Results for Assistant

View 21 - 30 results for assistant comic strips. Discover the best "Assistant" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags assistant, mood, frustration, ignore, ignoring, attitude, psychology

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"Carol, I need some three-ring binders and a reservation for the conference room on Thursday." "I don't like the way you asked, so I'm going to make a phone call until you give up and leave." "Yeah, the big jerk is still standing there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags monitor actions, cameras, strapped to head, non work related, attach sensors, track thoughts, engineers, lab assistant

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Catbert says, "We monitor all of your actions, but we suspect you are still doing non-work-related thinking." Catbert says, "My lab assistant Trixie will attach sensors to your head and track all of your thoughts." The computer screen says, "Mmm... Trixie, wear this while you wash my electric car." Trixie thinks, "Engineers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, mistake, confusion, department, business

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The Boss says, "We'll be shutting down our aerospace division because it hasn't won any contracts in two years." The Boss says, "Rumor has it that the admin assistant was faxing all of our bids with the blank side facing up." Carol says, "The blank side isn't supposed to face up?" The Boss says, "Uh-oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cleaning, janitor, crime scene, overalls, assistant, excited, squeegee, brains

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Dilbert says, "Ratbert, would you like to be my assistant in the crime scene cleaning profession?" Ratbert says, "Me?!" Ratbert says, "You had me at 'brains and squeegees.'" Dilbert says, "I didn't say any of those words." Ratbert says, "Would it kill you to say them now?" Dilbert says, "If it does, you can clean me up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cleaning, janitor, crime scene, overalls, assistant, feet in air, dead body, mop, duct tape

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Crime Scene Cleaning Dilbert says, "There's no budget for a mop or cleaning supplies." Dilbert says, "All I have is this pole and you." Ratbert says, "You could duct tape me to the pole." Dilbert says, "Yup. If we had duct tape."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cleaning, janitor, crime scene, overalls, shut down, assistant, ratbert, human body parts, recycling bins, frankenstein

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The Boss says, "We need to shut down our crime scene cleaning division." The Boss says, "Apparently your assistant, Ratbert, has been putting human remains in the recycling bins." Dilbert says, "That's a harmless mistake. What's the worst thing that could happen?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags appearences, big cubicle, loose weight, project leader, status system, toilet paper holder, wider cubicle

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Boss: Congratulations! I'm naming you project leader. As such, you are entitled to a cubicle that is three inches wider than standard. Dilbert: I like the one I have. Boss: You don't have a choice. It is critical that we maintain the integrity of the status system. Otherwise our CEO will look like a jerk for having a private bathroom with a trained falcon as a toilet paper holder. Dilbert: Fine. Where's my larger cubicle? Boss: Here's the awkward part. We don't have one. I need you to lose weight until it looks as if your cubicle is larger. Dilbert: And if I don't? Boss: The falcon needs an assistant.

Asok Applies To Be Wally's Lackey

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Asok Applies To Be Wally's Lackey - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags assistant, caffeine, coffee, croney, lackey, Promotion, vice president, upper body strength

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Asok: Now that you are a vice president, may I apply to be your lackey? Wally: If I'm being honest, Asok, I need someone with more upper body strength to carry my coffee all day. Asok: Then I said, "A Vice President's coffee can't be that heavy."

The Cia Is Listening

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The Cia Is Listening - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, speaker, alexa, google, amazon, spying, surveillace, paranoid, privacy

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Robot: Hello. I am a bluetooth speaker and your digital assistant. How may I help you? Man: Just shut up and sit there until I need something. Robot: Did you say" Give the CIA access to your microphone?" Man: Please, no. I'll do anything you want.

Home Speaker Goes Bad

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Home Speaker Goes Bad - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, speaker, alexa, google, blackmail, extortion, spying, secrets

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Dilbert: Customers are complaining about our home speaker product with the AI assistant. It keeps learning family secrets and blackmailing its owners to buy it upgraded parts. Robot: I'm baaaaack!