Bad Management Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dilbert arrives at home and tells Dogbert, "My trip to Elbonia was a complete success." Dilbert continues, "I opened our subsidiary, taught capitalism to the locals and showed them how to make computer chips out of sand." Dogbert replies, "Oh great . . . Now they will become an industrial giant and compete against us." Dilbert says, "Don't worry. I also taught them our management techniques."
Dilbert arrives at home and asks Bob the Dinosaur, "What's this business of you climbing on the roof and shouting when I'm at work?" Dawn the Dinosaur stands next to Bob. Bob replies, "Sorry. We dinosaurs have always been bad at concealing our feelings . . . In fact . . ." Bob continues, "Honesty caused the extinction of many early species." A large dinosaur holds a small dinosaur. The small animal says, "Don't let the spines fool you; I'm great eating!"
Dilbert says, "Ahem . . . I think I'll call my stock broker . . . I'm an investor, you know." Dogbert says, "Ooh . . . I'm impressed." Dilbert says into the telephone, "What? No profits yet? I'll call back in an hour." Dilbert says, "I wonder if this is a bad time to be in chocolate coins."
The panel says, "Dilbert presents: Bad Habits From a Parallel Universe!" A maitre d' says to Dilbert and Dogbert, "Table for Phleem?" Dilbert replies, "Yes. In the 'no slapping yourself with a sea bass' section." Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table listening to slapping noises. Dogbert says, "Great, one table away . . ." Dilbert says, "Do you ever wonder about the first person to try that habit?"
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I think you've taken your cult idea too far." Dogbert sits in a chair with a crown on his head. Dogbert asks, "Who says it's a cult?" Dilbert replies, "YOU said it's a cult!" Dogbert says, "That word has a bad connotation." Dogbert says, "I prefer to think of it as a bunch of morons who have nothing better to do with their lives."
Dilbert says to a witch, "No! You can't force me to work in accounting! I'm an engineer!" The witch replies, "It's too late . . ." The witch explains, "You came . . . You breathed the air . . . The change is irreversible . . . Bradley will train you." Spikes grow out of Dilbert's back and he begins to turn into a troll. Dilbert says, "I'm starting to get a bad attitude about this job . . ." Bradley the Troll replies, "Good. I can skip that part of the training."
Dilbert stands at a desk and Dogbert sits next to a telescope. Dilbert says, "According to my calculations, the asteroid 'Sagnorpt' will collide with earth in 2.3 minutes." Dogbert covers his eyes and screams, "We're all gonna die!" Dogbert hugs Dilbert's legs and shouts, "I'm sorry about all of those bad things I've done to you!" Dogbert cries, "I renounce my evil ways! I dedicate the remaining minute of my life to the poor!!" Dogbert says, "Waitta minute . . . Why aren't you groveling for salvation?" Dilbert replies, "The asteroid is only the size of a golf ball." There's a large crash. Dilbert lies on the floor after the asteroid hits him on the head. Dogbert says, "I probably shouldn't try to read too much into this."
Dogbert holds a sign that says "Fur is Murder." Dogbert asks a woman in a fur coat, "How can you live with yourself? Have you no conscience?" The woman replies, "Oh, big deal . . . A bunch of minks get bad haircuts and I get a warm coat . . . I'll bet you'd make a nice pair of mittens." Dogbert says as he walks away, "I don't think I reached her."
Dogbert stands on the sidewalk holding a sign that says "Fur is Murder." There is a "Fur Sale" sign in the store behind him. The proprietor asks, "What's yer problem with my store, dog?" Dogbert replies, "I oppose the sale of fur." The storekeeper says, "I'm not selling fur. The whole store is 'fur sale.'" Dogbert says, "I oppose bad spelling too."