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A man at a desk says to Dilbert, "Well, Dilbert, you seem qualified for this promotion, but I have one concern. Since your work would be evaluated by many people . . ." The man asks, "Can you handle criticism?" Dilbert says, "Oh, easily. For example, your toupee looks like a mule-stomped gopher . . ." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . Turns out it was a trick question." Dogbert says, "Boy, you can't trust those bald guys."
Dilbert shows Dogbert a device that looks like a handle. He says, "This is my newest invention: the deodorant spray booster pack!" Dilbert explains, "You connect it to any can of deodorant to boost the rate of output." Dogbert asks, "Why?" Dilbert replies, "Why?! . . . Do you know how much time is wasted waiting for the spray to hit your armpit?" Dilbert activates the device and it blows him through the wall. Dilbert lies on his back in the backyard. He says, "As my best friend, I'm sure you can contain any sarcastic references to deodorant until my bones mend." Dogbert replies, "No sweat."
Dilbert stands in front of the dresser mirror adjusting his tie and Dogbert sits on the bed watching him. Dogbert says, "The best way to impress women at the party is to just act naturally." Dilbert walks though a party thinking, "Act naturally, act naturally." Back at home, Dilbert says, "Logically, it is impossible to 'act' naturally." Dogbert says, "Most great advice doesn't hold under scrutiny."
Dogbert walks down a sidewalk and a man in a trenchcoat says, "Pssst . . . Comrade Dogsky. Will you sell your master's electronic secrets to nice Soviet man?" Dogbert asks, "Will you be wanting them on microfiche or hard copy?" Back at home, Dilbert asks, "You're going to cripple the WHAT?" Dogbert, who is carrying plans, replies, "Evil empire. Trust me on this."
Dilbert stands in the kitchen looking at a grocery receipt and thinking, "Looks like they under-charged me twelve cents on the lettuce." Dilbert thinks, "I should go back and give them the twelve cents. But I'm sure they would tell me to keep it for being so honest." Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light and the Ruler of Heck, shows up at the door and says to Dogbert, ". . . I have a report of a flimsy rationalization in progress." Dogbert says, "Try the kitchen."
Dilbert stands in the kitchen looking at a grocery receipt and thinking, "Ha! The store under-charged me twelve cents, and I'm not telling them." Phil pokes Dilbert with his spoon and says, "Hey!" Dilbert says, "I know you. You're the Ruler of Heck, the 'Prince of Insufficient Light.'" Phil says, "Just call me Phil, please." Dilbert asks, "What's my penalty? Eternal damnation?" Phil says, "I'm just going to 'darn you' for fifteen minutes."
Dilbert sits at a desk working on his computer. Dilbert says, "There . . . I've plotted Jenny Dworkin's normal speed, habits and tendencies into my computer." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Now I'll be able to predict her location and bump into her as if by chance." Dogbert asks, "Why don't you just call her, say you like her and ask her out?" Dilbert replies, "No. That would seem too contrived."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit outdoors. Dilbert says, "And another of life's mysteries is, why do they call it the 'Great Wall of China?'" Dilbert continues, "It never really kept any invading armies out . . . Kind of a dismal flop from an engineering perspective." Dogbert says, "I don't think 'The Dismal Flop of China' would have the same tourist appeal." Dilbert replies, "I wouldn't pay to see it."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert thinks as he reaches for the check, "All of us cosmopolitan guys use credit cards to pay for dinner." Dilbert looks at the receipt and thinks, "Uh-oh . . . I never know which part of the paperwork to keep. I know something gets ripped up . . ." Back at home, Dilbert says to Dogbert, ". . . And by the time I noticed the tablecloth was tangled up with the carbon paper, I had ripped both of them to bits." Dogbert asks, "And that's wrong?"
Dilbert: Well, if you're my ego, I order you to get back inside me. Ego: You don't seem to understand who's in charge here. Without me, you're nothing! Dilbert: I do feel a bit insecure. Ego: Now dance for me, ha ha ha, dance!