Criticize Coworkers Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dilbert is sitting in front of The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "Your project is cancelled. You'll be downsized in ninety days." The Boss continues, "Until then, feel free to wander around like a zombie." Dilbert walks past coworkers and thinks to himself, "I walk among them but I am not one of them."
The Boss thinks, "I'm in a bad mood. Maybe I'll feel better if I criticize some employees." The Boss approaches Dilbert and says, "I'm doing some recreational criticizing. What do you have for me?" Dilbert responds, "E-mail." The Boss yells, "You read e-mail like a chimp!" Dilbert replies, "Alice said she needs to talk to you."
The Boss addresses a meeting, "You can take 20% pay cuts or I'll have to downsize one of you." The Boss continues, "I know you're like a family but... Yes, Wally?" All of the coworkers are pointing at Wally. Wally doesn't know. He says, "Tell us more about the pay cut. That sounds promising."
Dilbert is carrying a box. He says to Alice, "I'm moving into a vacant private office. I got the last one." Dilbert continues, "I hope this doesn't cause ill-will in the cubicle-bound co- workers I'm leaving behind." Alice furrows her brow. Dilbert continues, "All I ask is that when you enter Diltopia, you bow in reverence and take off your shoes." Alice clenches her teeth in anger.
Wally says to The Boss, "Over the past year, most of my coworkers have managed expensive projects that failed." Wally continues, "I've done nothing but drink coffee. So on an economic basis, that makes me your top performer." Wally takes a sip of coffee and says, "Watch and learn."
Dogbert observes Alice and records, "The females of the group do all the hunting. The one I call Alice stalks her prey." Alice is angrily typing an email, "Grrrrr." Dogbert continues, "She pounces. Her razor-sharp words tear the prey to shreds." In another cubicle, a coworker has been burnt and is emitting smoke. Other coworkers lean over the cubicle wall and laugh. Dogbert thinks, "The results are gruesome. Only the hyenas are laughing."
Dilbert and Alice are at the coffee machine. Alice says, "My project is being stalled because my nitwit hates my ogre, and my #$&%! won't do any work." Dilbert responds, "My ogre ate my nitwit and my #$&%! is trying to blame me for it." Alice asks, "Do you want to borrow my nitwit?" Dilbert responds, "No, I have a requisition in."
Dilbert is in a meeting. His coworker's cell phone rings. The coworker says, "Excuse me while I take this call." Dilbert replies, "Okay." Just as the coworker is about the answer his phone, Dilbert says, "Excuse me while I hate your inconsiderate guts." The coworker turns away annoyed and says into his phone, "No, nothing important." Dilbert continues, "Excuse me while I imagine crushing your head."
Dogbert: I've decided to spend more time criticizing things I don't understand. I say we should flat-tax the kyoto treaty all the way back to the security council, Dilbert: wouldn't that be unfair to stem cells? Dogbert: Bah!
The Boss: It's been a few hours since I've done anything managerish. I could criticize someone...nah. I could have a meeting...nah. Im reorganizing the department. Dilbert: excuse me while i beat myself with my keyboard.