Dna Changing Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

76 Results for Dna Changing

View 21 - 30 results for dna changing comic strips. Discover the best "Dna Changing" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 1998's comic on:


Tags #receipts, #look fake, #notorized, #dna evidence, #process voucher, #difficult secretary, #annoying procedures, #formal, #not neccessary, #red tape

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of Carol's desk. Carol hold several pieces of paper. Carol says, "I can't process your voucher because these receipts look fake to me." Dilbert reaches for the receipts. Dilbert says, "They aren't fake!" Carol says, "Then why aren't they notarized?" Dilbet's hair stands on end. Dilbert crumples the paper. Dilbert says, "Because they're just receipts!" Carol says, "And now you'll tell me there's no DNA evidence either."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 1998's comic on:


Tags #signed form, #alter dna, #legal documents, #look stupid, #not funny

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands with his arms crossed by Catbert's desk. Catbert holds a piece of paper. Catbert says, "Don't complain to me. You signed the form giving us permission to alter your DNA" Dilbert throws his hands up in frustration. Dilbert says, "No one reads legal documents before signing them. It makes you look stupid." Catbert looks at Dilbert's horn. Catbert says, "You have a point." Dilbert says, "That is SO not funny."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #unicornitis, #cell normalizer, #dna sample, #genius garbageman

View Transcript

Transcript

The Garbage man throws garbage into his truck. The garbage man sees Dilbert who is wearing a coat and has a unicorn horn growing out of his forehead. The Grabage Man says, "Looks like someone has a bad case of unicornitis." The Grabage Man says, "I've got a pre-horn sample of your DNA in the truck. I could fix you up with my cell normalizer." Dilbert says, "Why do you have my DNA in your truck?" The Garbage man wears goggles and holds a ray gun. The Grabage Man says, "It's for exactly this sort of situation."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 1999's comic on:


Tags #abuse of coworkers, #counsel, #alter personality, #talking, #dna changing, #tingle

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice is at her computer and the boss says: "Alice, I've been asked to counsel you about your abuse of co-workers." The boss says: "The theory is that I can alter your personality by talking to you." Alice grinds her teeth and shakes her fists in the air while the boss says: "If you feel a tingle, that's probably your DNA changing."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2000's comic on:


Tags #cash balance, #pension plan, #make more competetive, #good for young emplyees, #not good for old, #change back

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally, Catbet, Dilbert, Alice and Asok are in a meeting. Catbert says: "We're changing to a cash balance pension plan." Catbert says: "It will make the company much more competitive." Asok is sitting between an elder co-worker and Alice, Asok says: "Yippee!!! A cash balance plan is good for young employees!" The older employee stands up and says angrily to Asok: "Oh, yeah? Well it's not so good for me!" The older employee says: "I demand that you change it back!" Asok screams: "No!" The older employee throws himself on top of Asok who raises his arms in defense. The older employee says: "I'll snap you like a dried twig, you little zygote!" Asok says: "Ouch! Stop clubbing me with your artificial hip!!" Wally, Catbert and Dilbert watch the fight with no reaction. Wally says to Catbert and Dilbert: "On the plus side, they do seem more competitive."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dna, #feed her, #human genome, #human simulations, #invented, #mapped and decoded, #market application, #on computer watch, #punish her, #samples, #software, #software simulation, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok points to his diagram as he explains to the group, "My software will create human simulations from DNA samples." The Boss asks Asok, "What's the market application?" Asok answers, "Well...there are many various applications." The Boss says to Asok, "Name one." Asok begins to explain, "Well...someday the entire human genome will be mapped and decoded." Asok continues, "You could take a hair sample from a woman who refuses to date you..." Asok continues to explain, "and create a software simulation of her to keep in your computer watch." Asok says, "You could have one button to feed her and one button to punish her." Wally replies, "I'd buy it." The Boss asks Asok, "Can you add a button?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2000's comic on:


Tags #computer screen, #fuzzy, #fiddling, #stop working, #flu season, #clean screen, #handkerchief

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss calls to Dilbert as he stands in the doorway of his office. "Thanks to you, my computer screen is all fuzzy now!" Dilbert continues walking, wondering to himself what the Boss was talking about. The Boss is irritated with Dilbert and with both arms raised he says, "You're always fiddling with something that makes something else stop working." Dilbert replies, "Don't clean your screen with your handkerchief during flu season." The Boss answers with both hands on his hips, "Stop changing the subject."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2000's comic on:


Tags #mapped genome, #hr dept, #had resources, #pencil, #technology, #predictions from genes, #genome, #dna, #work perfromance, #traits, #violation of rights

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert approaches Wally and says, "I mapped your genome Wally." Wally replies, "I didn't know the human resources department had that technology." Catbert responds, "I used a pencil." Wally says to Catbert, "Your genes predict that you will be a bitter, lazy, caucasian guy with six hairs and poor vision." Catbert answers, "You'll hate cubicles, measurable objectives, and cats who map your genome." Wally says to Catbert, "This is a violation of my right to privacy! I'll fight it all the way to the Supreme Court." Catbert responds, "No, according to my map, you'll lose interest and fall asleep." Catbert says to Wally as he sleeps, "I wonder if this technology will ever fall into the wrong hands."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2001's comic on:


Tags #animals dna, #clone one, #dont finish, #eating burgers, #elbonian unicorn, #save unicorn dna

View Transcript

Transcript

An Elbonian is holding a tin can tied to a string to his ear. The Elbonia says, "I'm sad to report that our drilling has caused the extinction of the Elbonian unicorn." The boss, at his desk, is on the phone. The boss says, "Save a sample of the animal's DNA so we can clone a new one." The Elbonian with the tin can turns to another Elbonian, who is eating a burger. The first Elbonian says, "Don't finish that."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2001's comic on:


Tags #broken keyboard, #five asterisks, #passwords, #types asterrisk, #tech support

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is sitting at his computer. He says into the telephone, "My keyboard is broken. It only types asterisks for passwords." Headline: Dogbert's Tech Support. On the other end of the line, Dogbert replies, "Try changing your password to five asterisks." The Boss says to himself, "I hope I can remember it."