Heard Comic Strips - Page 3

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View 21 - 30 results for heard comic strips. Discover the best "Heard" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #looking, #hit, #man, #eliminate, #inventor, #million, #dollars, #deliver, #head, #platter, #tupperware, #lettuce, #crispers, #loses, #drama

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Dogbert sits across from a man behind a desk. Dogbert says, "I heard you're looking for a hit man to eliminate an inventor named Dilbert." Dogbert continues, "For a million dollars I can deliver his head on a platter." The man asks, "Does it have to be on a platter?" Dogbert replies, "I've tried using those Tupperware lettuce crispers, but it loses a lot of the drama."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #floyd, #killed, #Wally, #alice, #first, #aid, #ambulance, #firstaid, #phone, #ted

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Wally, Ted and Alice confront Dilbert. Alice says, "We heard you killed Floyd, our unbearable co-worker, yesterday." Dilbert replies, "No. I was there, but he choked on his own bile." Alice asks, "What did you do - perform First Aid? Call an ambulance?" Dilbert replies, "I don't know First Aid." Dilbert asks, "Uh . . . Can I use your phone?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #new, #style, #management, #exhausting, #mbwa, #walking, #around, #walked, #park, #improvement

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Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "My new style of management is exhausting me." The Boss continues, "I heard some people talking about 'MBWA' or 'Management by Walking Around.'" The Boss continues, "I walked all the way to the park and back. But I can't say that I see much improvement around here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #touchy-feely, #department, #rumors, #flying, #lizards, #planet, #business, #zorbians, #team, #players

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Dilbert asks the Boss, "Do you have a minute?" The Boss sits at his desk and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's touchy-feely stuff." Dilbert asks, "What's going to happen to our department? The rumors are flying." The Boss asks, "What have you heard?" Dilbert replies, "Rumor has it that flying lizards from the planet Zorb will buy the company." Dilbert continues, "They plan to turn the employees into giant corn dogs on sticks." The Boss replies, "Don't worry about rumors. It's business as usual for now." Dilbert gulps and walks away. The Boss thinks, "I think I handled that pretty well." Dilbert and Wally have long sticks on their backs. Dilbert asks, "Are you sure this will impress the Zorbians?" Wally replies, "I hear they like team players."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Wally, #Dilbert, #ted, #managment

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The Boss stands behind Ted's desk and says, "Ted, you're part of the company 'right sizing' program, effective today." Ted replies, "Thank you! It's nice to get positive feedback from the boss!" The Boss says, "It's not feedback. I'm saying your position has been 'management adjusted.'" Ted replies, "Sounds great! Is there a raise involved?" The Boss says angrily, "Listen to me!! You're part of 'manager attrition' starting right now!" Ted says, "Wow! Is that the fast-track program for managers?" Wally tells Dilbert, "I heard that Ted got picked for the 'manager attrition' program." Dilbert asks angrily, "Why not us?" Dilbert and Wally stand across from the Boss's desk. Dilbert says, "So unless you put us on the 'manager attrition' program too, we quit!" The Boss thinks, "There's never a flamethrower handy when you need it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #good tatse, #home to change, #shut up wally, #casual dress

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The Boss: I realize that casual dress day isn't easy for you engineers.... The boss; But you've exceeded the bounds of good taste. Ive got to send you home to change. Dilbert: Shut up wally. wally: I heard they were back! I swear!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #staff meeting, #suggestions, #dumb ideas, #leaving for another job, #never held accountable, #project caribou, #team building exercise, #people vanished, #meeting over

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The Boss: "Our project is six months behind schedule." "Meanwhile, our technology has become obsolete and the users' requirements have changed." "Any suggestions?" Dilbert: "Let's stubbornly plod along and deliver the useless product that was originally requested." Wally: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" "We should restart every time something changes. That way we'll never be held accountable for results!" Alice: "You losers can work it out alone. I heard there's a job opening on project Caribou." The Boss: "Next on the agenda: our weekly team-building excercise." "

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #physical intimidation, #smack face, #stupid, #manage by intimidation, #mob menatlity, #gets smacked

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I've decided to manage by physical intimidation. If somebody says something stupid I'll just smack them." Dilbert says, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." The Boss hits himself in the head. Dilbert thinks, "On the other hand, maybe I should give it a chance."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #late, #makeup on, #in car, #save in car, #sponge bath, #carpool, #whining, #driver for car pool

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Alice walks in carrying a briefcase and sees Wally and Dilbert drinking coffee. Alice says, "I was so late I had to put on my makeup in the car." Dilbert says, "Yeah, I had to shave in the car." Wally says, "That's nothing. I was so late that I had to give myself a sponge bath in the car." Alice looks shocked and asks, "Aren't you the driver for your carpool?" Wally responds, "You've never heard such whining."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #any rumors false, #no plans, #no relocation plans, #south pole, #eskimos, #replaced by, #liar boss

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "I want to assure you that any rumors you've heard are false." The Boss continues, "We are NOT planning to relocate the company to the South Pole where easily trainable native Eskimos will replace you." Dilbert says, "That's good because there aren't any Eskimos at the South Pole." The Boss looks shocked and says, "Excuse me, I have to make a phone call."