Human Chess Board Comic Strips - Page 3
398 Results for Human Chess Board
View 21 - 30 results for human chess board comic strips. Discover the best "Human Chess Board" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share July 25, 1993's comic on:
The Boss, Dilbert, Alice, Wally and an executive sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "You all know our president, Mister Goodenrich. He's here to answer any questions you have." Alice asks, "Why aren't there any women or minorities in senior management positions?" Mr. Goodenrich replies, "We think women are for making babies. As for minorities, we fear them." Wally asks, "How can you justify your ten million dollar salary when profits are down?" The president laughs and replies, "The board of directors are friends of mine and it's not their money they're spending." Dilbert asks, "Why does the company keep talking about employee training while at the same time slashing the training budget?" The president replies, "We think you're too dumb to train. We'll hire people from the outside if we need talent." Wally says, "I must say, your honesty is kind of refreshing." The president replies, "And you're all fired for asking questions."
Share August 06, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert says, "I'd miss you if the human race died from pollution but rats lived on." Ratbert continues, "So I'm dedicating my life to learning the science of preserving humankind." Dilbert asks, "Conservation?" Ratbert replies, "Pickling."
Share August 11, 1993's comic on:
The Boss says to Dilbert and Zimbu the Monkey, "I can't decide which one of you to lay off, so I've decided to have a contest." The Boss says, "The first event is the 'staple chase.'" Dilbert has been stapled to a bulletin board. The Boss says, "Round one: Zimbu." Dilbert says, "I think I winged him."
Share August 22, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert walk in the park. Dilbert says, "The great thing about being human is that I'm superior to all other animals." Dogbert asks, "On what do you base that absurd conclusion?" Dilbert replies, "Humans have the ability to kill any other animal. Therefore, we are superior." Dogbert says, "You could be slaughtered by chipmunks if they ever decide to gang up." Dilbert responds, "But they wouldn't decide to do that. That's why humans are superior." Dilbert continues, "Chipmunks waste their days by eating nuts and playing instead of plotting ways to kill other species." They sit down under a tree. Dogbert says, "It's futile to argue with you." Dilbert replies, "Thank you." A chipmunk in the tree says, "I say we kill him. Is anybody with me?"
Share October 11, 1993's comic on:
Dogbert and several executives sit at a conference table. Dogbert says, "Thank you all for coming to this emergency board meeting." Dogbert continues, "As you know, all promotions to senior management are based on hair. I think we all agree this is the best system." Dogbert lifts the president's toupee with a pointer and continues, "But have you noticed that I have a rich lustrous coat, whereas our current president gets a little outside help?"
Share November 08, 1993's comic on:
The Boss reaches for the coffee pot and thinks, "I'm the Boss. I can take the last bit of coffee without making a new pot." The Boss yells, "Look at me!! I'm taking the last drop!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!" Dilbert says, "An actual human would feel guilt in this situation." The Boss says, "The pot needs washing."
Share December 28, 1993's comic on:
Dogbert stands over a map spread out on a table. Dilbert asks, "What's all this, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "I'm planning my world conquest." Dogbert says, "It shouldn't be too hard, given the fact I've probably sneezed more brain cells than the average human uses on election day." Dilbert says, "I usually vote a straight party ticket." Dogbert says, "I could be done before lunch."
Share February 21, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: The layoffs will be handled in the most human way possible. POW! Dilbert: How long does the tranquilizer last? The Boss: he'll wake up at the unemployment office,
Share April 27, 1994's comic on:
The Boss: "I want you to help me upgrade the computer in my office." Dilbert: "The computer in your office is a cardboard prop that came with your desk." The Boss: "So, I need a new motherboard, right?" Dilbert: "No, you need a new desk."
Share June 19, 1994's comic on:
"Here's your new cubicle: the Cuborg 2000." "It's a self-sufficient workspace and life support system." "These tubes attach to various parts of your body so you never have to leave." "Various parts?" "Let's just say you don't want to get these two tubes mixed up." "We'll monitor your vital signs from a central location." "The company nurse?" "No; the human resources department, in case we have to do some emergency hiring." "Is it upgradeable?" "Yeah, the Cuborg 3000 is expected to have air holes."