Ignores Calls Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

131 Results for Ignores Calls

View 21 - 30 results for ignores calls comic strips. Discover the best "Ignores Calls" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vending machine, #stole money, #sentenced to death, #director human resources, #desensitized, #tragic news, #execution is scheduled

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase. Dogbert sits on the couch reading the newspaper. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Today was a bad day. First the vending machine stole my money . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . And by the end of the day I had been sentenced to death by the director of human resources . . ." Dogbert reads and hums as he ignores Dilbert. Still reading the paper, Dogbert says, "I've become totally desensitized to tragic news!" Dilbert says, "The execution is scheduled for tomorrow. I should call in sick."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #making personal calls, #stealing, #fist of death, #eighty cents, #talk to family, #bill for overtime, #being competetive, #office supplies

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice sits at her desk. The Boss enters and says, "According to this phone bill, you've been making personal calls." The Boss continues, "That's like stealing from the company, Alice." Alice clenches her teeth, holds her fist and thinks, "Must . . . Control . . . Fist . . . Of . . . Death . . ." Alice looks at the telephone bill and says, "I only spent eighty cents to tell my family I was working late." Alice says, "Here's a dollar. The extra twenty cents is for the personal thought that I'm about to have on company time." Alice closes her eyes and imagines the Boss tied up with rope. She pictures handing him a stick of dynamite. Alice says, "And here's my bill for $40,000 in unpaid overtime that the company stole from me." The Boss replies, "That's not stealing; that's being competitive." Alice says, "I think I'll be competitive with a few bushels of office supplies later today."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #asap, #a stupid acting person, #deadlines, #embarrasing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Alice, I need this ASAP." Alice asks, "ASAP? Does that stand for A Stupid-Acting Person, i.e., someone who ignores tasks until the deadline?" The Boss walks away thinking, "That was embarrassing. I hope the other things I say don't mean anything."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #benchmarking initiative, #crying with joy, #mother, #phone call, #asok, #calls mother, #Family

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok sits at his desk and speaks into the phone. "Hi, Mom! Guess what." Asok sits in his cubicle and says, "I'm the process owner for our benchmarking intitive!" Asok holds his hand over the receiver and turns to Wally. There is a PC between them. Asok says, "She's crying with joy..." Wally says, "I used to think that too."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #address envelope, #death penalty, #helpless, #master plan, #one way trip, #solve small problems, #speaking engilsh, #training, #south korea

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss holds a letter and says, "Carol, how do I address an envelope?" Carol, his secretary, sings, "I'll do it." Carol explains to Dilbert, "I'm training him to be helpless." She says, "It's part of my master plan to eliminate him." Carol says, "I do everything for him. Soon he'll lose his ability to solve small problems alone." She says, "Then I'll 'accidentally' book him on a one-way trip to South Korea." Carol says, "Before he goes, I'll tell him they have a death penelty for speaking English." Carol laughs a maniacal laugh and says, "We'll never see him again. Buwahaha!" Dilbert walks off and says, "It's worth a shot." The Boss calls from his office and says, "Carol, how do I dial for an outside line?" Carol says, "I'll do it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company, #knows about wally, #phone call logs, #web hits, #emails, #urine test, #college grades, #salary, #Family, #business, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert sits on Wally's desk holding some papers and says, "The company knows everything about you, Wally." Catbert looks in Wally's file and says, "We have logs of all you phone calls, web hits, and e-mail. We have your urine test, college grades, salary and family contacts..." Catbert says, "It's against our policy to kill employees and replace them with low paid impersonators, but I wanted you to know it's feasible."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert the consultant, #knowledge assets, #unmistakable message, #boss, #consultant, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is telling The Boss, "From now on, refer to your employees as 'knowledge assets.'" The Boss takes notes. Dogbert the Consultant is sitting on a couch and says, "That will send an unmistakable message." Dilbert comes home from work and says to Dogbert, "He calls us knowledge assets" now. He must think we're complete morons." Dogbert wags his tail and says, "It's an unmistakable message."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #user manual, #typo, #technical calls, #phone sex place, #complaints are down, #customers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert looks over his cubicle wall. The Boss says, "Our user manual has a typo. Our technical support calls are going to a phone sex place." The Boss says, "Complaints are way down." Customer's House: The customer sits at his computer and says into the telephone, "Well, okay, but... has that ever worked?" The voice on the other end of the line says, "No complaints yet."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #declare martial law, #jailing ombudsmen, #personal phone calls, #recommend changes, #shoot emplyees, #shoot employees

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and The Boss sitting at table. Dogbert passes a memo to The Boss and says, "Although your company is very profitable, I wouldn't be much of a consultant if I didn't recommend changes." The Boss views the recommendations and says, "You recommend jailing our ombudsman and declaring martial law ... makes sense." The Boss asks Dogbert, "Then could I shoot employees who make personal phone calls?" Dogbert replies, "It's okay with me."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #telephone shyness, #make business calls, #restroom, #shyness passes, #Dilbert, #office

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert in his cubicle in his office next to his computer staring at the phone thinking, "I'm having a severe case of telephone shyness." Dilbert thinking, "I'm afraid to pick up the phone and make business calls." Dilbert entering the restroom thinking, "I'll duck into a restroom stall until the shyness passes."