Nonsense Comic Strips - Page 3
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32 Results for Nonsense
View 21 - 30 results for nonsense comic strips. Discover the best "Nonsense" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday March 10,
2017
Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar
Tags politeness, conversation, etiquette, efficiency, illogical
Transcript
Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar. Today you will learn how to sacrifice your productivity and your happiness for the sake of ancient traditions grounded in total nonsense.Voice: Why would we want to do that? Dogbert: Please hold your impolite questions until never.
Monday April 10,
2017
Asok Is In The Jargon Matrix
Tags jargon, language, breakdown, nonsense
Transcript
Carol: Come quickly. I think Asok entered the jargon matrix. Asok: At the end of the day, I want some actionable insights that will improve our cross-platform integration. Carol: Can he hear us? Dilbert: Yes, but our words are just noise to him now. Asok: Silo.
Wednesday April 12,
2017
Dilbert Red Pills Asok
Tags jargon, language, nonsense, productivity, illusion, alternate reality
Transcript
Dilbert: Nothing in this dimension is real. Asok: Double-click on that. Dilbert: The jargon matrix is where people imagine they are being useful. But in reality, they are sitting in a chair doing nothing. Asok: I just made a ten-year technology plan.
Wednesday November 08,
2017
Barry Dingle
Tags questioning, correct, incorrect, explanation, answer
Transcript
Boss: Sorry I'm late. Barry Dingle keeps hanging around my office and asking hard questions. Dilbert: You don't know the answer to any hard questions. Boss: That's why it takes so long. Dilbert: So... you just spout nonsense until he leaves? Boss: That's my go-to strategy for most situations.
Friday December 08,
2017
Elbonian Virus Infects Mission Statement
Tags virus, hack, infection, computer, spelling, grammar, edit, improvement, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: The Elbonian virus scrambled our mission statement into nonsense. Alice: No, that's our actual mission statement. Dilbert: Why does it look so different? Alice: The virus fixed the grammar and punctuation.
Saturday April 07,
2018
Elbonian Interference With Ads
Tags hacker, troll, social media, damage, marketing, bot, nonsense, business, technology
Transcript
Dilbert: Our competitors hired an Elbonian troll farm to ruin our brand on social media. Their most viral ad against us so far says, "How ice cream they bicycle art!" Boss: How many views did it get? Dilbert: Seven, including this one.
Monday March 18,
2019
Boss Does Research On Internet
Tags internet, searching, secret, unbelievable, nonsense, afraid, truth
Transcript
Boss: I was doing some research on the internet... Dilbert: Uh-oh. Boss: And I learned that there is a secret cia base inside the sun, but no one is talking about it. Dilbert: Maybe you shouldn't do research on the internet. Boss: Why are you afraid of the truth?
Wednesday March 20,
2019
Birds Cause Hurricanes
Tags boss, ceo, research, nonsense, hurricans, birds, noted, polar bears, hate, snow
Transcript
CEO: I don't know enough about climate change to sound smart when people talk about it. Boss: Try doing your own research. That's how I learned that hurricanes are caused by birds. CEO: Write that down for me. Boss: And did you know polar bear hate snow?
Sunday April 05,
2020
No Time Before Next Meeting
Tags boss, business, care, co-workers, hate, job, lesson, meeting, nonesence, procrastinate, reality, report, stupid, technical, technology, time
Transcript
dilbert thinking: that meeting ran long, so now i have ten minutes before the next one. i'm suppose to bring a complete technical report, and i haven't even started it. i hate this stupid job! dilbert still thinking but showing signs of distress: i hate my boss! i hate my stupid co-workers! dilbert yelling: i don't care about anything anymore! dilbert thinking and typing on laptop: i'll just angrily slap together a bunch of nonsense and call it good. grrrrrr!!! in conference room. boss: this is your bet report ever. dilbert yelling: what? dilbert at home with dogbert: today i learned a dangerous lesson about reality.
Friday May 08,
2020
Version 2 Kills
Tags business, upgrade, software, technology, version, health, issue, nonsense
Transcript
wally with face mask giving presentation: according to our newest data, 100% of the people who upgraded to version 2.0 of our software died the same day. wally to boss: but we don't think it means anything because all of them had underlying health issues. boss: how did they all have underlying health issues? wally: version 1.0 had some rough edges too.
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