Ours Strategy Mergers Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

194 Results for Ours Strategy Mergers

View 21 - 30 results for ours strategy mergers comic strips. Discover the best "Ours Strategy Mergers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #great news, #sell product line, #strongest comepetitor, #not viable, #amazingly stupid, #integrating line, #work here

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss walks up to Dilbert who is sitting at his computer. The Boss says, "Great news! Our strongest competitor offered to sell us their product line." Dilbert says, "Obviously they think their products are not viable. We'd have to be amazingly stupid..." The Boss interputs, "And you'll be in charge of integrating their product line with ours." Dilbert finishes, "...to work here."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #mutual fund, #past performance, #no indication, #future perfromance, #strategy, #entire investment, #personal expenses, #talking to wall

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits behind a large desk. He says to a potential investor, "As you know, past performance is no indication of future performance." Dogbert continues, "So my strategy is to use your entire investment for my personal expenses and see what happens." The investor says, "Has that strategy ever worked before?" Dogbert says, "Geez, it's like I'm talking to a wall here."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new customer, #top 5 compnaies, #low price, #high margins

View Transcript

Transcript

An employee comes into the Boss' office with a man and says, "I'd like you to meet our newest customer." The Boss says, "You won't be sorry; we're one of the top five companies in this field." The customer turns to the employee and says, "I thought you said no one else makes this kind of product." The Boss interjects, "No one else makes one with so few features." The employee grimaces as the customer asks, "So...your strategy is low price, right?" The Boss replies, "No, high margins!" The customer grabs the employee by the collar and begins to choke him, screaming, "YOU!!" The employee's feet are propped up on the Boss' desk as the Boss thinks to himself, "I'd better ask someone what a 'margin' is."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget, #project, #company startegy, #lose hope

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and The Boss sitting at desk across from eachother. Dilbert asks, "How much budget do I have for my project?" The Boss replies, "I can't tell you." The Boss says, "If you knew what your budget was, you'd spend it all." Dilbert inquires," Can you at least tell me what our company strategy is?" The Boss responds, "No, I don't want you to lose hope."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company strategy, #wandering cubcilem, #first to market

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert looking over into Wally's adjacent cubicle. Wally is sitting in his cubicle. Dilbert says, "Our pointy-haired boss won't tell me our company's strategy." Dilbert says, "So I spend my days wandering from cubicle to cubicle, trying to deduce the strategy." Dilbert looking over into Wally's adjacent cubicle. Wally is sitting in his cubicle. Dilbert says, "So far I've ruled out 'First to market.'" Wally responds, "And premiere anything."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #strategy lockup meeting, #meeting won't end, #new strategy, #wedge my broom

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, Dilbert, and The Boss sitting at table. The Boss says, "Our top executives are in a special strategy lockup meeting." The Boss continues, "The meeting won't end until they agree on a new strategy, so it might be a while." Janitor places a broom in handle of the meeting room door and thinks, "Maybe if I wedge my broom here I won't forget where I put it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project plan, #strategy, #leadership, #radiates, #boss ego, #proud, #strategy is plan

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert at his computer terminal. The Boss says, "Is your project plan done?" Diblert ressonds, "I can't do a plan until you tell me the strategy." The Boss says, "My strategy is to make you do a plan." Dilbert stares at his computer. The Boss walks away and thinks, "Sometimes the leadership just radiates from my body."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #financial model, #original spreadsheet, #developing strategy, #pay base, #tax rate

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss gives Wally and Dilbert a piece of paper. The Boss says, "I did some financial modeling on my own." Wally says, "But you didn't know any of the assumptions that went into the original spread sheet." The Boss says, "That didn't stop me from developing a strategy." Dilbert says, "Our pay is based on the tax rate now."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #strategic plan, #secret, #trust, #soabotage, #warranty, #chair

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is in the boss' office. The boss says, "Make your report consistent with our strategic plan." Dilbert says, "What's out strategic plan?" The boss says, "It's a secret." Dilbert says, "Are you saying you don't trust me?" The boss says, "I don't think it's a coincidence that most employee sabotage is done by employees." Dilbert says, "How can I do my report if I don't know the strategy?! The boss says, "Okay, okay. I'll let you glance at it." The boss pulls a piece of paper out of his desk. The boss barely lets Dilbert see the paper. The boss says, "Time's up! That's long enough!" Dilbert says, "That's the warranty for your chair." The boss says, "Really? I've been managing to this for years."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #successful project, #job eliminated, #smartest thing, #fail miserably, #clear strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

A woman (Tina ?) stands in the boss's office. She says, "I just realized that if my project is a success, my job will be eliminated." She says, "The smartest thing to do is to fail miserably and blame it all on your indecisiveness." She says, "I'm happy because I have a clear strategy!" The boss thinks, "I haven't nodded in a while."