Projects Overdue Comic Strips - Page 3

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View 21 - 30 results for projects overdue comic strips. Discover the best "Projects Overdue" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #folded arms, #important one, #physically impossible, #third project, #finish both products

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Dilbert stands at the Boss's desk and says, "It is physically impossible for me to finish both of my projects on time. Which one is more important?" The Boss says, "Hmm . . . If I absolutely HAD to choose between them, I'd say . . . Do them both on time." Dilbert says, "Wow. When you do that with your arms, it creates the illusion that you're thinking." The Boss says, "What you need is a third project."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cloud of doom, #transfer, #new host body, #starts tim down, #Dogbert, #director special projects, #doom

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Dogbert stands on a stool and tells Dilbert, "The only way to get rid of your cloud of doom is to transfer it to a new host body." The cloud hovers over Dilbert's head. Dogbert says, "I will accomplish this with the help of your pointy-haired boss and a clueless co-worker named Tim." Dogbert straps Tim to a table and says, "We're secure. Begin transfer." The Boss looks at a document and says, "Tim, your new job will be director of special projects." The cloud moves toward Tim.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presumed dead, #like to work, #finished three projects, #lost five pounds, #gave up coffee, #seven patents, #everyone prodcutive, #life without mangement, #paradise, #spoon hug

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Wally and Dilbert are wearing casual clothes. Dilbert is dancing and Wally sits at his computer. Wally says, "Now that our Boss is presumed dead, I found I like to work." Dilbert says, "I finished three projects today!" Alice leans into the cubicle and says, "I lost five pounds, gave up coffee, and applied for seven patents!" Dilbert says, "Go, Alice!" Wally says, "Life without management is like paradise!" Tina the Tech Writer walks in and says, "Who wants to spoon-hug?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #document, #on desk, #overdue, #last minute, #going home, #boss to dilbert, #wait until tomorrow, #sociopath, #spookily accurate

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Dilbert sits in his cubicle and looks at his watch. he thinks, "Time to go home. That means..." The Boss shows up and says, "Hi there." Dilbert thinks, "Right on schedule." Dilbert holds up his hand and says, "Wait. Let me guess why you're here." Dilbert says, "You want to discuss a document that's been on your desk for a month." Dilbert says, "It's something that could easily wait until tomorrow." He says, "But you'll insist that I handle it now, because you're a sociopath." The Boss says, "Wrong. I majored in anthropology." The Boss walks away and thinks, "But that was a spookily accurate guess about the document."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good news, #budgets, #calculations, #salary bidget, #vacation days, #got greedy

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At the staff meeting, The Boss says, "Good news on your budgets. I did some recalculating last night." The Boss says, "I found a way to give more money to every project without increasing the total budget for projects!" Wally raises his hand and says, "Question: Does your new way involve poor math skills?" Wally has a question mark above his head. Alice puts her arm in front of him and says, "Ignore the skeptic. Hey, I have a suggestion!" Alice says, "Maybe you could recalculate the salary budget for next year." Dilbert says, "And when was the last time you recalculated the vacation days?" Wally, using his calculator wrist watch, says, "I calculate that we have an hour left for this meeting, but I'm interested in YOUR caculation." Dilbert, Wally and Alice walk out of the meeting counting stacks of money. Dilbert says, "I think we got greedy when we asked if he change for a five." They whistle as they leave.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excellent job, #projects assigned, #fifty hours a day, #adequate, #complete fiduciary misconduct

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Alice says to The Boss, "I estimated the hours it would take to do an excellent job on all the projects you've assigned." Alice says, "That would be a fifty hours a day. So I recalculated for 'adequate' results. That would be forty hours per day." Alice says, "Well, to make a long story short, let's skip down to 'complete fiduciary misconduct.'" The Boss holds his hands over his ears and says, "Blah, blah, blah, blah."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #measurable objective, #technical writer, #measure good writing, #number of words, #compare projects to wood, #dogmatic babbling manager, #cognitive surrender

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The Boss sits at his desk. He says, "Tina, we need to set measurable objectives for you." Tina responds, "I'm a technical writer. How can you measure good writing?" The Boss says, "Everything is measurable is you try hard enough." Tina asks, "Is that your well-measured opinion?" She continues, "Or is it the dogmatic babbling of a manager in total cognitive surrender?" The Boss comes back with, "For example, we could measure the number of words you type." He adds, "We'll have to subtract words you delete. That way we won't motivate the wrong behavior." Tina is now at her desk, typing. She has written, "In this edition of Tina's hourly newsletter, I compare our projects to various types of wood."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #needs attention, #meeting, #helper for porject, #engineers, #business

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The Boss, Wally and Alice sit at the conference table. Wally says, "This project needs your complete attention." Alice says, "Wally's right. Forget the other projects and focus on that one." Wally, Alice and Dilbert eat lunch. Dilbert says, "Did I miss anything at the meeting?" Wally says, "We got you a little helper for your project."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #shovel, #full of assignments, #get done, #most importatnt, #identify acronyms, #never been used

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The Boss aproaches Dilbert with a shovel full of paper. The Boss says, "Here's another shovel full of assignments." Dilbert throws his arms up. Dilbert says, "How am I supposed to get all of that done?" The Boss says, "Only do the most important ones." Dilbert holds on the projects. Dilbert reads, "Identify all the acronyms that have never been used." The boss says, "That's an important one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #chief financial offcier, #one sentence descriptions, #projects, #critical budget deciosns, #semi colons

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Caption: "Chief Financial Officer" The moron sits between Dilbert and the Boss. The moron says, "I need one-sentence descriptions of each of your projects." Dilbert says, "You're planning to make critical budget decisions based on THAT? " The Moron says, "Yes." Wally stands behind Dilbert who sits at his computer. Wally says, "Wow. Five pages without using a period." Dilbert says, "Thank God for semi-colons."