Shared Services Comic Strips - Page 3

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61 Results for Shared Services

View 21 - 30 results for shared services comic strips. Discover the best "Shared Services" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 18, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dozen, #dysfunctional families, #dysfunctional recruitment, #recruit emloyees, #trunk

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Dogbert is standing on the boss's desk. Dogbert says to the boss, "You need 'Dogbert's Dysfunctional Employee Recruitment Services.'" Dogbert continues, "I only recruit employees who were raised in dysfunctional families. They don't mind being mistreated!" The boss says, "How soon can you get me some?" Dogbert says, "I have a dozen in the trunk of my car."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2002's comic on:


Tags #daily prayer services, #blood, #bain washing, #ambitious plans

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A man with a wizard suit, holding an animal-headed staff says to The Boss, "I'd like permission to hold daily prayer services in a conference room." The man continues, "I'll do it before work and of course I'll clean up any blood." The man continues, "So far I'm the only member of my religion but I have ambitious plans for brainwashing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2002's comic on:


Tags #mordac, #information services, #exceeded, #server storage limit, #double storage space, #mystique, #25 cents, #preventer of info

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Mordac says to Alice, "I am Mordac The Preventor of Information Services. You have exceeded your server storage limit." Alice hands Mordac a quarter and says, "Here's 25 cents so you can afford to double my storage space." Mordac walks away, looks at the quarter in his hand, and thinks, "I think my mystique just took a hit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2003's comic on:


Tags #netwrok security, #buggy, #complicated, #user guide, #pure evil, #tech support dept, #chimp with typewriter, #strategy, #victims, #hair quiver, #consultants, #paid by hour

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Dogbert Consults. DOgbert: "Your network-security product is buggy and complicated." "Your used guide is an inspired work of pure evil." "And your tech-support department is an inebriated chimpanzee with a typewriter." "One strategy would be to fix all of those problems." The Boss: "What's the other strategy?" Dogbert: "Sell consulting services to your victims... I mean customers!" The Boss: "I'm so happy, it's making my hair quiver!" "But what do we do when our consultants can't make our products work either?" Dogbert: "They're paid by the hour." The Boss: "QUIVER!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2004's comic on:


Tags #customers, #buy prodcut, #credibilty, #buying services, #dont talk

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"Dogberts Consults." Dogbert: "Never listen to your customers." "They were dumb enough to buy your product, so they have no credibility." "That reminds me: thanks for buying my services. Don't talk. Shhh." The boss: "Ooh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2004's comic on:


Tags #tech support, #another company, #determine cause

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"This is Dogbert's tech support. Your problem is caused by another company's product or services." "Shouldnt I tell you my problem before you determine the cause?" "Okay, let's pretend that will change my answer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2005's comic on:


Tags #human resources, #change name, #workplace, #evil enough, #evil laugh, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I might change my department's name." "To "Workplace Services." BU-WHA-HA-HA-HA!!" "When things don't sound evil enough on their own, I like to toss in a bu-wha-ha-ha-ha."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2005's comic on:


Tags #wally reflctor, #bad people, #make you work, #offer no resistance, #order made, #requires work. they blow it off, #no work necessary

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Asok: the move that I ma about to teach you is called the "wally reflects" Wally: Throughout the day bad people will try to make you do work of for them. At first, offer no resistance, as if you actually plan to do the work. Then ask the offender to do a little bit of work himself. Allow me to demonstrate. Wally, I need to design a data base for all of our product features and services. Wally: Glad to do it! Wally: all i need from you is a comprehensive list of the dats fields you need included. Oh...wow Im really busy, I;ll had et get back to you on that. and I'll never see that idiot again. You inspire me. In a creepy kind of way.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2005's comic on:


Tags #resume, #teds, #shard printer, #people pleaser, #disloyal

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"Is that your resume?" "It's Ted's." "When the pointy-haired boss walks toward the shared printer, I print ten copies." "It turns out that I'm not a people pleaser." "Disloyal #!@*!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2005's comic on:


Tags #web service satndards, #consortium, #approval review, #executive board, #review borad

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"We should join the industry consortium that's promoting web services standards." "Run that past the consortium approval review board and get a sign-off from the executive board of review board reviewers." "Do those exist?" "In a perfect world, yes."