Social Policies Comic Strips - Page 3
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View 21 - 30 results for social policies comic strips. Discover the best "Social Policies" comics from Dilbert.com.
Alice asks Wally, "How do you like your new smoking habit?" Wally replies, "My teeth turned yellow, my breath is putrid, I'm a social outcast, I'm going broke, and my house burned down." Alice asks, "So you're going to quit?" Wally replies, "No, I'm trying to take a long term view of it."
Catbert stands at his desk thinking, "My tail is twitching . . ." Catbert thinks, "That can only mean it's time to write some more evil policies." Catbert types, "To: all employees. Subject: new policy." Dilbert gets the e-mail message and reads, "Employees must wear shoes that are one size smaller than their feet." Alice reads, "This will reduce wear and tear on carpets by five percent." Catbert thinks, "This is my favorite part." He types, "We must do this to be competitive." A woman enters Catbert's office and says, "I'm a reporter for 'Evil HR Policies Weekly.' Do you have any success stories?" Catbert purrs. The caption says, "This is how industry practices are born." The journalist asks, "Has anyone complained about the 'Footsizing' program?" Catbert replies, "I haven't listened to a single complaint."
Wally, Asok and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new corporate policy is that all employees must use the products we sell." Asok screams and shouts, "What have we done to deserve this??!!!" Asok asks Wally, "So you're saying that many of these policies are NOT intended to be punishments?" Wally replies, "You get used to it after you lose your will to live."
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "There's been a lot of joking and grumbling since the company took out life insurance policies on all of you." The Boss continues, "So we're having these catered lunch meetings to discuss your feelings." Carol, the Boss's secretary, brings a bag of food into the room. Carol takes a sandwich out of the bag and asks, "Do you want the mad cow burger or the chicken bone surprise?"
A woman points at a chart and says, "My study shows that the companies with 'Family Friendly' policies have higher profits." Dilbert sits in the audience with Wally, Alice and other employees. He raises his hand and says, "Question: Do family policies cause high profits or do high profits simply camouflage the true costs of the policies?" The woman says, "We'll take a five-minute break so the married people can slap you for asking that." Dilbert says, "Ouch!"
Catbert stands at his desk and types, "Any employee who uses the Internet for non-business purposes will be fired." Catbert types, "And any employee who sits in a company chair while having a personal thought will be executed by security." Catbert smiles and thinks, "The great thing about senseless, sadistic policies is that they don't require a lot of explanation."
Tina stands behind Asok's desk and says, "You're invited to a four-hour meeting, Asok." Asok looks at the agenda and says, "Tina, it would seem that all of your meetings have no purpose other than to provide you with a surrogate social life." Tina asks, "Can you bring chips?" Asok says, "I wish, I wish, I wish I had a spine."
During a staff meeting, The Boss says, "It has come to my attention that one of you has a social life." Wally says, "There must be some mistake." The Boss says, "We can't be successful until our social lives are worse than the industry average." He stands up and says, "Our competitors spend the nights in their cubicles. They eat from vending machines." The Boss walks behind Wally, Dilbert and Alice. He says, "Someone here has not shown the same level of competetive spirit." The Boss grabs Asok by the collar and says, "Someone had a social activity last night!" Asok cries, "I'm sorry! I thought they were friends... but they were only recruiting for a multi-level marketing network!!!" Dilbert says, "What were they selling?" Asok says, "Edible wax fruit. Brochure?"
Dilbert sits at his computer working. The Boss approaches with a new employee. The Boss says to the new employee, "Dilbert is one of our social misfits." The Boss says to the new employee, "Your job is to keep him away from normal people." Dilbert, still facing his computer is obviously annoyed by what he is hearing. Unable to keep quiet, Dilbert yells without turning around, "Hello! I'm right here!" The Boss and the new employee unaffected by Dilbert's outburst, continue their conversation. The Boss says to the new employee, "Your title will be Engineering Liason."
Dilbert asks Tina, "Which presidential candidates do you like?" Tina replies scratching her head, "I strongly favor the one with the funny hair. I forgot his name." Dilbert says, "His social policies are the exact opposite of your views." Tina answers, "Really?" Tina says to Dilbert, "Well, I like his tax plan." Dilbert replies, "Every credible economist thinks it's a bad plan." Tina answers, "Oh." Dilbert says, "It's a good thing we talked before you polluted the system with your vote." Dilbert then asks Tina, "Do you want to make out?" Dilbert arrives at home and explains to Dogbert, "She claimed to like intelligent men, but she lied."