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Dilbert lies on a couch and a psychologist sits next to him taking notes on a pad of paper. Dilbert says, "I can't stop putting writing tools in my shirt pocket . . ." Dilbert continues, "It started harmlessly . . . First a pen, then two. Now I'm afraid to go anywhere without a pen and pencil of every color." The psychiatrist asks, "Do you have the secondary colors?" Dilbert replies, "There are SECONDARY colors?!"
Dilbert drives his car. He hears a siren behind him and thinks, "Police?" The officer stands at Dilbert's window and says, "You made an illegal U-turn." Dilbert says, "You're giving me a ticket for THAT?! A measly U-turn?!" Dilbert says angrily, "I can't believe it! The world is full of murderers and thugs, but you stop ME?" Dilbert says, "I'm wasting my taxes on your salary!" Dilbert continues, "And frankly, those mustaches you guys all grow don't make you look any smarter." The policeman says, "Please step out of your car for the sobriety test." Dilbert arrives at home wearing dirty and torn clothing. He tells Dogbert, ". . . So, it turns out that the sobriety test involves flinging yourself down a muddy embankment."
Dilbert looks out the window and says, "Hey, that's Lisa. I dated her last night!" Dilbert walks outside and says, "Lisa! What are you doing in this neighborhood!" Lisa looks guilty and replies, "Well . . . Actually, I didn't know how to tell you to stop calling me . . ." Lisa continues, ". . . So I came to throw this brick with a note on it through your window." Lisa throws the brick and it crashes through the window. She says, "It seems awkward now . . ." Dilbert reads the note on the brick, ". . . It was like you sucked the oxygen out of the room . . . You remind me of fungus . . ." Dilbert reads, ". . . Continued on brick two." Dilbert ducks as another brick crashes through the window. He says, "That's it! She is OFF my Valentine list!!"
Dilbert sits in a giant slingshot holding his suitcase. Dilbert says, "I wish there were an easier way to fly in Elbonia." Dilbert flies through the air over Elbonia. Dilbert thinks, "I've got to find Dogbert and convince him to stop being the despotic ruler of Elbonia." Dogbert, who is wearing a miter, sits on the back of an Elbonian and points a rifle toward the sky. The Elbonian says, "But, sire, this is the airport, not the skeet-shooting range." Dogbert yells, "Pull!"
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I stepped down as CEO and took my old job back - it's less stressful." Dogbert replies, "Sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses." Dilbert says, "Exactly." Dogbert says, "Too bad we can't afford any roses now."
The strip is titled, "Bob the Dinosaur rips the pants off of guys we hate for no reason." Bob says, "Yes!" The caption says, "Guys who wear those little helmets to ride a bicycle." A man wearing a helmet says, "Did a 100 K today." Bob rips his pants off and says, "Safety first!" The man screams. The caption says, "Guys who know actual dance steps." Bob reaches for a man who is dancing. The man screams as Bob rips his pants off. Bob says, "Women love that stuff!" The caption says, "Guys who know wine." A man sitting at a table in a restaurant tastes a glass of wine. He comments, "Fruitty, yet tannic . . ." Bob rips his pants off. He looks at the man's underwear and says, "Flowery, yet polyester!!" The caption says, "Guys who can stop a conversation cold." Dilbert says to two people at a party, "That reminds me of trellis code modulation." Bob reaches for his pants.
Dogbert says to the garbage man, "Our robot is taunting Dilbert mercilessly. Is there any way to stop him?" The garbage man says, "I meant to tell you; I calibrated his neuro-actuator so he would obey only YOUR commands, Dogbert." The robot dangles Dilbert out of the window by his legs. Dilbert asks Dogbert, "What did he say?" Dogbert replies, "He says there's nothing you can do."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert enters and chuckles. Dilbert says, "Stop it, Dogbert! You're making that 'heh-heh' sound so I'll think you've played some hideous prank." Dogbert laughs harder and Dilbert thinks, "No . . . Not the maniacal laugh."
Dilbert and Dogbert walk out of a restaurant. The sign in the window says, "All you can eat $7.00." A man yells, "Hey! Stop!" The waiter says, "You owe us another $14." The waiter continues, "You deliberately put more than you could eat on your plates." The man continues, "Technically, our agreement is 'all you can eat,' not 'all you can waste.'" The man thinks, "Mom wanted me to be a lawyer, but I said, 'No, food services is where I'm needed.'" Dilbert says, "I believe this is your department, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Technically, it's all you CAN eat, not all you DO eat." The man thinks, "Ooh . . . He's good."
Ted stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "I'm taking orders for 'Camp Girl cookies' on behalf of my daughter." Ted asks, "How many dozen can I guilt you into buying?" Dilbert says, "I've always wondered, Ted, why do they sell cookies? Is it just for the money?" Ted replies, "No, it's to help them build character by earning their own money." Dilbert asks, "Oh, so your daughter is doing some selling from door-to-door?" Ted answers, "No, too dangerous. My wife and I are doing all the selling at work." Dilbert says, "Well, then aren't you only teaching your daughter to act helpless so other people will do her work?" Ted says angrily, "Just buy the stupid cookies!!" Dilbert asks, "Have you considered foster care for your kids?"