Ted Talks Comic Strips - Page 3
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Dogbert stands on a desk and says to a man, "This exercise is especially for the MBAs in the company." The man asks, "What's the payback?" Dogbert hits the man on the head with a bat several times. Dogbert says, "There's no research to support this method, but you gotta admit it feels right."
An employee says to the Boss, "I found a typo in the budget spreadsheet . . . It's too late to fix it." The man continues, "We transferred one job to another group but accidentally kept the money and headcount." The Boss tells another man, ". . . So, we still pay you but you aren't allowed to do work." The man thinks, "This is the happiest day of my life."
The Boss, Dilbert, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've got good news and bad news." The Boss continues, "The bad news is that huge companies like us can't compete against small, nimble companies. The good news is that at this rate WE'LL be the smallest company around." Dilbert, Alice and Ted shout, "We're number one! Yes!!" The Boss thinks, "What am I doing wrong here?"
Dilbert, Wally, Ted and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've been saying for years that 'employees are our most valuable asset.'" The Boss continues, "It turns out that I was wrong. Money is our most valuable asset. Employees are ninth." Wally says, "I'm afraid to ask what came in eighth." The Boss replies, "Carbon paper."
Linda says to Dilbert, Wally and Ted, "Look everyone, I'm engaged!" Dilbert says, "Hey, it's one of those 'near diamond' rings they were selling on the tv shopping channel for $29.95." Linda looks angry. Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Of course it has a list price of over a hundred dollars . . ." As Linda walks away Wally says to Dilbert, "Ooh, good save."
Dilbert says to Wally and Ted, "I'm so mad . . . I just bought a new computer and it's already obsolete." Wally replies, "Don't feel bad. The other engineers won't look down on you just because you're behind the technology curve." Ted says, "Yeah, we will." Wally replies, "Not right in front of him."
Wally says to Dilbert and Ted, "Don't get too close - I found out that my baldness is caused by too much testosterone." Wally continues, "Now with my hair gone I'm afraid the testosterone will start flinging out of my pores." Drops of testosterone fly out of Wally's head. Ted says, "Hey! You got some on my shirt!" Wally raises his fists and says, "Do you have a problem with that?"
Drops of liquid fly from Wally's head. Wally thinks, "Being bald isn't so bad. With all this testosterone, men will fear me and women will desire me." Wally approaches a man and woman and says to the man, "Take a hike, fuzzy. She's mine now." The woman says, "I do find you strangely attractive." Wally points to the drops on his head and says, "Testosterone, you're helpless."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally, Alice and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, ". . . Companies must learn to embrace change." The employees all think, "Uh-oh. It's another management fad." They all think, "Will it pass quickly or will it linger like the stench of a dead woodchuck under the porch?" The Boss says, "I think we should do a 'change' newsletter." The employees think, "Woodchuck."