Training Facility Comic Strips - Page 3

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View 21 - 30 results for training facility comic strips. Discover the best "Training Facility" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #shipped new prodcut, #tech support, #trained, #embarrasments, #monk, #training, #material, #real monk, #pig latin

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The Boss speaks to three employees in tech support. He says, "We just shipped our newest product. You folks in tech support will need to be trained so you can avoid any embarrassments." The Boss says, "We had a monk write the training material on a grain of rice. We could only afford one, so you'll have to share it." The Boss tosses a grain of rice at them and they lunge for it. As the employees fall to the floor fighting, the Boss says, "To be honest, I'm not sure we had a real monk. He wrote everything in Pig Latin."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laptop computers, #its to program, #training program, #rectangle plastic thing, #boost sales, #sales force

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "In an effort to boost sales, laptop computers have been given to every member of the sales force." Wally says, "That could be a problem, given the recent cuts to the training budget." The caption says, "Meanwhile, in the field." A salesperson holds up a laptop and says to a client, "And if you order today, I'll throw in this rectangular plastic thing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ivy league degree, #vice president, #rerganized, #training ratbert, #teching, #grooming for position, #powerful position

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Dilbert sits at his desk and Dogbert sits on the desk behind him. Dilbert says, "I wish I had an Ivy League degree so I could be promoted to vice president." Dogbert responds, "You don't need one." Dilbert says, "It's impossible to be a vice president without one." Dogbert says, "I'll bet $100 I can turn a rat into a vice president." Dogbert and Ratbert stand in front of a mirror. Dogbert says, "That was good, but try saying it as though your soul just abandoned your body." Ratbert says, "We've reorganized to focus on our core competency."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #hr director, #employee oreinetation, #glimmer, #mandatory training video

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Catbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I've come to give you 'employee orientation,' Wally." Wally says, "But I've worked here for years." Catbert says, "You still have a glimmer of hope. You'll have to watch this mandatory training video." Wally sits in front of a television and VCR. The video begins, "So, you still have hope . . ." Catbert massages Wally's temples and says, "Relax . . . Let it go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #another banner week, #accomplishements, #streamlined, #business process, #valuing diversity, #mandatory training vidoes, #lost free will

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Wally, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Wally says, "I'm pleased to report another banner week of accomplishments!" Wally continues, "I streamlined my business processes while honing my participatory style and my proactive attitude, all while valuing diversity!" The Boss asks, "You watched the mandatory training videos?" Wally adds, "And I lost my free will!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business language, #competetive, #salary increase goodbye, #core business, #lost, #empowered, #unimportant deciosns, #reengineering, #essential, #people person, #canibal, #hire trained people, #market driven, #balme cutsomers, #value employee input, #hour, #important

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Dogbert sits at a desk. The panel is titled "Business Language Explained." Someone says, "We have to be more competitive." Dilbert and Wally wear barrels instead of clothing. Wally says, "Nice barrel." Dilbert replies, "This old thing?" The caption says, "Meaning: Say goodbye to salary increases." Someone says, "We must focus on our core business." The Boss feels his head and says, "Hello." The caption says, "Meaning: We can't find our butts with both hands." Someone says, "You are empowered." Alice sits at her desk wearing a crown and saying, "I proclaim this to be 'Green Ink Day.'" The caption says, "Meaning: You're the monarch of unimportant decisions." Someone says, "We're reengineering your function." A man and a horse are kicked out an office window. The caption says, "Meaning: Adios, Tonto, and the horse you rode in on." Someone says, "Training is essential." A man at a desk asks, "You were a cannibal?" A man wearing a grass skirt and a bone in his hair replies, "I'm a people person." The caption says, "Meaning: We're trying to hire some trained people." Someone says, "We're market driven." A woman doing research asks a man, "What's your favorite odor?" The caption says, "Meaning: We blame customers for our lack of innovation." Someone says, "We value employee input." Dilbert tells the Boss, "Thanks for listening." The Boss laughs hysterically. The caption says, "Meaning: We think humor is important."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #idiot fell, #twelve hours, #chair safety training, #do, #not do

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The Boss says to Wally and Alice, "Some idiot stood on a chair and fell off." The Boss continues, "Now we all have to take twelve hours of chair safety training." Wally and Alice wince. During training Alice, Wally and the Boss watch a man standing on his head and spinning on a chair. The Boss whispers, "Is that a 'do' or a 'not do?'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gather requirements, #designing child care, #sewing garments, #windowless room, #illegal aliens, #discounts

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Dogbert and Alice sit at a table. Dogbert says, "Alice, I need to gather some requirements before designing the company child care facility." Dogbert continues, "Do you mind if your children spend the day sewing garments in a windowless room full of illegal aliens?" Alice replies, "I mind." Dogbert responds, "I'll put you down as a maybe." Alice asks, "Would I get discounts on those garments?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #day care facility, #free range day care, #roam free, #economical, #powerpoint lsides

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The Boss and Dogbert sit at a table. Dogbert shows the Boss a document and says, "Here's my final plan for the company's day care facility." Dogbert continues, "I call it free range day care. The children are allowed to roam free among the cubicles. It's very economical." Two small children stand in Wally's cubicle. The boy says, "I don't believe he's really an evil troll." The girl says, "Look at the 'Powerpoint' slides he's making. It's not human."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #too busy, #forty hours training

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Wally sits at his desk. Catbert says, "Wally, you've been too busy to get the required forty hours of training this year." Catbert continues, "So I hired a contract employee to help you out." Wally asks, "When does he start?" Catbert replies, "Yesterday. He already finished eight hours of your training."