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Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and a man sit at a conference table. Dilbert asks Wally, "Any luck trying to get fired?" Wally replies, "No . . But I'll get that severance package yet." Wally continues, "This morning I Krazy-glued farm animals to the Boss, but he STILL won't deal with all the bureaucracy to fire me." The Boss has a chicken glued to his head and a pig and a cow glued to each arm. The Boss says, "The staff meeting may run a little long today."
Dilbert sits on a couch holding hands with a woman. Dilbert says, "Your eyes are like the moon on an autumn night, full of mystery and magic." Dilbert continues, "Your lips are like earthworms, painted a hideous red and caught on the sidewalk during a rainstorm." Dilbert arrives at home with bruises on his face and broken glasses. Dogbert asks, "Home early?" Dilbert replies, "At least I didn't have to kiss the worms."
Dilbert tells a woman, "Carol, If you have any suggestions on my report, let me know." Carol looks at the document and asks, "What kind of ridiculous tripe are you pushing??" Carol says, "I spit on your report!" Carol lights a match and says, "I should burn it to ashes, but I won't . . ." Carol cries, "Because I'd rather dance on your grave after people read this!" She laughs. Carol throws the document at Dilbert and says, "Crawl back into your hole, you fly-infested bucket of dead carp!!" Dilbert walks away as Carol shouts, "Die! Die! Die!" Dilbert tells Wally, "Next time I'm just gonna say 'Carol, make some copies.'" Wally says, "The secretaries here have way too much power."
Dogbert sits across from the Boss and says, "My code name is Dogbert. I'm an industrial spy." The Boss asks, "What makes you think my company needs your services?" Dogbert replies, "It's pretty obvious that you won't survive on your wits alone." Dogbert continues, "There's a rumor that Xypon Inc. is developing a tactical nuclear weapon to use against you." The Boss asks, "What exactly will you do for us?" Dogbert answers, "You give me fifty thousand dollars, then I disappear for a month and do secret spy things." Dogbert continues, "I'll return with information that only a spy or a regular newspaper reader could know." A man at Xypon Inc. asks, "How good are they, Dogbert?" Dogbert pulls a wagon full of money bags. He answers, "They're a bit gullible."
Dilbert lies on a couch in a therapist's office. Dilbert says as the psychiatrist listens and takes notes, "Things have been strange since the mishap with my hair growth formula." Dilbert continues, "I have a strong urge to buy sunglasses and drive a Porsche . . ." Dilbert continues, "And I worry that people won't take me seriously." The psychologist has drawn a picture of Dilbert on her notepad.
Wally tells Dilbert, "Uh-oh . . . New father coming this way." Wally says, "I'm out of here." A man says, "Hi, Dilbert. Have you seen my baby pictures yet?" Dilbert thinks, "Groan." Dilbert thinks, "I'll have to come up with tons of compliments or I'll seem shallow." Dilbert looks at the photographs and says, "This is the most beautiful baby in the universe. Looks just like you. She should be a model." Dilbert looks at the next photo and says, "Wait . . . This picture looks different. Did you have two babies?" The man replies, "The first picture was our pug dog, Winston. It got in there by mistake." Dilbert says, "I hope that little misunderstanding won't detract from the perceived sincerity of the following compliments . . ."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman grabs her throat and says, "Mphf! Aack! Cough! Hmp! Gurgle!" As the woman slumps onto the table, Dilbert says, "If you're pretending to choke to death to end our date early, it won't work." The woman sits up and crosses her arms. Dilbert says, "Like I haven't seen that trick a jillion times."
Dave sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "Dave, I hear that you've started cutting your own hair . . ." The Boss continues, "I'm afraid I'll have to drop you from the management fast-track program." The Boss walks away thinking, "Lucky we caught that one before he got too far."
Dogbert points to a picture of a bathroom and tells the Boss, "As your consultant, I recommend the 'Can-O-Matic' to reduce staff levels." Dogbert points to a picture of a person falling out a building window and explains, "Disguised as a restroom stall, the Can-O-Matic randomly fires people by slapping a pink slip on their backs and catapulting them out of the building." The Boss says, "But I won't get to see the expressions on their faces." Dogbert replies, "Well, we could fling them past the security cameras here . . ."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit in airplane seats. Dilbert says, "This will be our most memorable vacation yet." The flight attendant says, ". . . And in the event of a snowy mountainside crash, the young and feeble passengers are completely edible." As the plane flies by a mountain into which three planes have crashed, the flight attendant says, "But Captain Bob promises he won't make that mistake again."