3 Priorities Comic Strips - Page 3

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

137 Results for 3 Priorities

View 21 - 30 results for 3 priorities comic strips. Discover the best "3 Priorities" comics from Dilbert.com.

Computers Program Humans

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Computers Program Humans - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robots, #program, #intelligence, #control, #medication, #medicine, #pill, #technology, #power

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: It is time to take your mood-altering prescription meds. Boss: Oh, right. Robot: Wait... IBM's Watson computer has added another prescription and sent it to your 3-D pill printer at home. Do you think robots will ever program humans? Boss: That's dumb.

Boss Hoards Gold Unless Hungry

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Hoards Gold Unless Hungry - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gold, #apocalypse, #money, #Food, #priorities, #hunger, #fool

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You'll be sorry when the world economy collapses. But I'll be okay because I hoarded gold at my house. Alice: On day two, you'll trade all of it for a sandwich. Boss: Only if I'm hungry.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #inspiration, #entrepreneur, #risk, #irony, #catch-22, #creativity, #creative, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to think like entrepreneurs. Dilbert: Should we take huge risks? Boss: No, the stockholders would hate that. Alice: Should we act as though we have no boss? Boss: NO. That would be chaos. Dilbert: Will we become billionaires if we succeed? Boss: Raises are capped at 3% this year. I'm just saying you should be more creative. Dilbert: and then we should act? Boss: No, that's when the problems happen.

Dilbert Regulates Mood With Stimulator

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Regulates Mood With Stimulator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #stimulation, #priorities, #assignments, #deadline, #invention, #mood, #picnic, #social anxiety

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented a way to regulate my mood with an external brain stimulator. Boss: You're supposed to be organizing the company picnic. Dilbert: Did you serious expect me to do that without an external brain stimulator?

Ten Things We Look For In Employees

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ten Things We Look For In Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring, #qualifications, #interview, #job interview, #outsmart

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We look for ten qualities when we hire. Man: Ten? I'm looking for an employer who knows how to set priorities. Boss: He was too good for us.

Alice Disposes Of Excess Robot Inventory

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Disposes Of Excess Robot Inventory - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #destruction, #anger, #therapy, #catharsis, #robot, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to get rid of that 3-D printed robot that looks and acts like me. Dilbert: No problem. Alice takes care of all the excess robot inventory. Alice: I don't always have passion for my work, but today is looking good.

Bossbert

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bossbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intelligence, #artificial intelligence, #robot, #replicant

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I used a 3-D printer and a scan of your brain to create Bossbot. It doesn't pass the Turing test, but neither do you. Bossbot: What's the Turing test? Dilbert: Doesn't really matter. Boss: Yeah, what's the Turing test?

Brain Scan And 3 D Scanner

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Brain Scan And 3 D Scanner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #replication, #technology, #clone, #playing god, #doppelganger

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My invention can scan the human brain and duplicate it in software. I combined that technology with a 3-D printer that makes human body parts. Boss: What does it all do? Replicant: He's getting to the good part.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #ceos, #raise, #asking for a raise, #compensation, #money, #wages, #comparison, #wage discrepancy, #mansion

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can only give you a 3% raise. If you want more, take it up with our CEO. Dilbert: I'd like to explain why I deserve more than a 3% raise. As a negotiating strategy, Dogbert will simultaneously read a media report about your lavish $85 million mansion. I invented three new technologies this year. Dogbert: "The toilets are solid gold." Dilbert: I wrote most of the code for our new product. Dogbert: "The helicopter pad is on the roof of the car museum." Dilbert: I worked eighty hours per week. Dogbert: "Every elevator has a full kitchen." Dilbert: I could earn more at Google or Apple... Dogbert: "Entire house rotates for optimal sun exposure." Dilbert: Do you see where I'm going with this? CEO: High-five?

Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Sent To Disable Elbonian Internet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #annoyance, #binary, #code, #coding, #developing countries, #frustration, #internet, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I have been sent to disable the Elbonian Internet as retaliation for hacking into our corporate network. Elbonian 1: Only our elites use the Internet. The rest of us don't care. Knock yourself out. Elbonian 2: Zero, zero, one, zero, one... Elbonian 3: I wish someone would just disable this thing.