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View 21 - 30 results for Dilbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dilbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

When To Reply To Boss Text

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When To Reply To Boss Text  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #communication, #performance, #response, #review, #sarcasm, #spreadsheet, #technology, #text

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wally: how long should i wait before responding to a text message from my boss? dilbert: that depends. are you already overworked? wally: um, sure. dilbert: do you need to teach him a lesson for any unrelated things he did? wally: always. dilbert: do you dislike him in general? wally: yes. dilbert: lastly, how many months until your next performance review? wally: seven. dilbert: okay....putting those inputs into my spreadsheet. you can wait 27 minutes before responding. wally: oh. i was hoping it would be closer to five days. dilbert: when did he text you? wally: i believe it was august.

Protesters Surround Building

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Protesters Surround Building - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #face mask, #fire, #lobby, #managers & supervisors, #office building, #protest, #protesters, #sign, #support, #business

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dilbert and boss looking out office window. dilbert: protesters have surrounded our building. boss: don't worry. i put a supportive sign in the lobby so they'll know we are on their side. dilbert: update: our nine lower floors are on fire. boss: maybe i should have used a bigger sign.

Safety Record

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Safety Record - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #safety, #record, #industry, #best, #face mask, #untrue, #lie, #idiot

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boss: our safety record is the best in the industry! dilbert: that is both untrue and easy to debunk. why would you even tell such a lie? do you think we're idiots? boss: moving along...

Talk To The Experts

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Talk To The Experts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #answer, #bribe, #experts, #face mask, #faster, #managers & supervisors, #Opinion, #plan, #technology

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boss: i can't approve your plan until i know what the experts say. dilbert: i can save us some time by talking to the people who bribe the experts. i'll get the same answer, but faster. boss yelling: ouch! the truth hurts! dilbert: take a deep breath. it will pass.

Working From Home

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Working From Home - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #distractions, #estimate, #family issues, #ipad, #video conferencing, #yelling, #zoom, #technology

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dilbert video conferencing: when do you think you can get me that estimate? employee on zoom yelling: get off the couch with your shoes! no! no! no! do not throw the iPad! aaah! i am going to strangle you! dilbert: how do you like working at home? employee still yelling: i'm on a zoom call! i said i'm on a call!!!

People Enjoy Context

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People Enjoy Context  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #video conference, #zoom, #customer, #self, #human, #sarcasm, #face mask

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boss: when you schedule the zoom call with the customer, be sure to include me. dilbert: do you plan to use up all of our time talking about yourself? boss: people enjoy context. dilbert: it's as if you have never met a human.

Building Codes

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Building Codes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #lab, #construction, #building, #codes, #stringent, #guarantee, #rain, #mayor, #campaign, #sarcasm, #face mask, #false, #hope, #phase

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boss: how's the new lab construction going? dilbert: i'm having some issues with the local building codes. they seem unnecessarily stringent. for example, we have to guarantee no rain touches the roof. boss: why? dilbert: no on knows. but if we donate to the mayor's campaign, the city will designate the roof a "horizontal wall." boss: and then we can begin construction? dilbert: no, that's just the beginnning of the false hope phrase.

No Mask For Zoom Call

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No Mask For Zoom Call - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #zoom, #video conferencing, #face mask, #clinical, #study, #easy, #hate, #coffee

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dilbert video conferencing: you don't need a mask for a Zoom call. employee: can you back up that claim with a randomized clinical study? dilbert: i've noticed it's a lot easier to hate people lately.

Everyone But Ted

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Everyone But Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #project, #success, #thank, #twice, #hear, #slow, #coffee, #sarcasm

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dilbert video conferencing: i'd like to thank everyone who made the project a huge success. except for ted, who made everything twice as hard as it needed to be. ted: i can hear you. dilbert: you're slowing us down again, ted.

Astrology Filter

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Astrology Filter - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #apathy, #Astrology, #business, #incoherent, #sense, #strategic, #technology

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dilbert looking at laptop: your strategic technology plan was incoherent. i had to run it through an astrology filter to make sense out of it. boss video conferencing: and? dilbert: it says you are "full of taurus" and your plan "is a cancer." boss: sounds right.